I was speaking with someone the other night regarding the resurrection, the virgin birth and how I had a very difficult time believing in these events. We talked a little; then the conversation moved on to other topics of biblical discussions with other people in the group. As I was listening to him talk to this couple I heard him mention Heb. 11:1 and what it said. The conversation had turned to other biblical opinions and beliefs when a thought struck me. It was as if God himself was in my brain at that moment shouting; Cathie hear what he just said. "Faith is the assurance of the things to come; the conviction of what is not seen." Conviction of what is not seen. Wow. it came to me that this verse I had always believed was talking about the future event of Christ's return, (another doubt for me) could posiibly also mean things not seen in the past like the virgin birth and resurrection!
All these years of proclaiming to be a Christian was a lie. The truth was that I did not believe, I only tried to believe in who Christ claimed to be. I did however believe he was sent from God to teach us about things of the spirit. I wanted to have the conviction I saw in other believers but could not. This was causing me to frustrated and anxious in my faith. To begin a journey once again to something I could believe in. This would be a long, time consuming path. Wasn't my Christian path difficult enough to understand without going and trying to find another belief to learn all about? Had I truly given this spiritual path with Jesus a fair chance? What if it were possible. If God is God then can he not in his powerful spirit do whatever he needed to do to show his love for us? Turning to the passage again I asked God for truth and understanding I could accept for that moment. Just that small moment. It was not necessary for me to think ahead or figure things out. Just a small amount of faith. All this time I was trying to believe in something I could not comprehend nor had seen! Not wanting to frustrate or disappoint those who were taking so much time with me to help me beleive I believed what I could to please them. And even convinced myself I believed. In reality the assurance was in the fact it "could have" happened. But these events, the virgin birth, ressurection, miracles, these were things were impossible, incomprehensible to understand.
The message I received that night was; Heb. 11:1 wasn't just speaking about my future with God as I had understood it to refer to eternity with him. But was for faith in all things I could not understand and difficult situations I will find myself in as I walk through this life. The joy and excitement that grew inside told me this was from God and it was a new truth for me to take hold of, tuck away with my other messages from the spirit to use for future reference. The real question now is, am I now willing to give my spirit to God and trust in him for guidance? Was I now willing to believe the events in the bible were true, actual events? It did not mean I had to believe at this moment; nor that I would in the future. The question for me is, "Am I willing to open my heart and mind to the possiblity and accept what comes." It may happen that I will realize no, I do not believe and therefore move on in my spiritual quest. Or it will mean I do believe and still continue on my spritiual quest, just in a different direction. I will never put my faith in church or religious doctrine. But I can put my faith in Christ and what he says about himself. For now however, I will keep it simple and wait on God's spirit to direct me.
Faith and trust are and always has been difficult concepts for me to grasp. Especially in a God I can neither see nor feel. I also know from life experiences that because I believe in God, even though I love God as much as I humanly can; this does not assure me of a life of luxury and joy forever and ever. It does get me through the difficult times knowing I have his strength; that his spirit lives inside me and strengthens me when I am willing to give it a chance.
This I can say with all certainty. When I continue on my Christian path and do not stray from it I am stronger in my conviction. I am at peace with God. When I begin searching all over the place for the "truth" I become confused and anxious; doubtful and frustrated. Quieting my spirit and letting what I believe at the particular moment be ok keeps me centered. As long as I am looking to God through scripture, people's conversations, spiritual reading; when I am open to his spirit, not the churches, to speak wisdom and truth, life is calmer, inner peace is attainable and I am once again free from what others are trying to tell me to believe, or more importantly, trying to accept and believe what I do not at that time. Today that is ok for me. It is ok not to have all the answers. It is ok that I do not and will not ever understand God's power and who he is.
There is a vast difference from listening to one who is sharing experience and one who is sharing opinion on what I must or should believe. Like what was said in class this morning; "people don't want to hear about my faith, they want to see my faith." Attraction not promotion as I have heard it said elsewhere. So, once again I have to ask myself what do I truly, honestly believe about my faith and where do I choose to start it from?
Does this mean I do not accept other religious, spiritual faiths? Do I now claim that Christians have the only true way to heaven or God after death? Absolutely, infatically NO! We cannot make that claim. God is the only being who makes that call, not me.
God is light, God is Love and God is fair. And that my friend is where my faith lies this evening at this moment.
Another piece of my spiritual puzzle is in place. Soon the framework will be done.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Faith like a Mustard Seed
This morning I picked up something I hadn't worn in a long time. It is a small mustard seed encased in a glass ball. As I held it and pondered a moment an inspiration to write came to me. So here I am writing about a small mustard seed once again worn around my neck.
Jesus says if we have faith like a mustard seed we can move mountains. This is true! People of all faiths gain courage and encouragement through difficult times because of their faith. The belief in who God is to them gives the inspiration to live holy, honest lives and to continue on when there feels like no hope. I know many people with different beliefs in God. Some call him their "Higher Power", others Buddha, some Jesus; and then there are some who simply call God the Spirit of the Universe. And in fact if you really think about it he is the spirit who created the universe is he not?
So then I got to wondering. Could there be a difference between faith and salvation? I think maybe so.
Faith gets me through the difficult times. Faith teaches me to live in love for others, animals and the earth God created. Faith teaches me through the teachings of Christ to live to serve him out of respect and awe. Salvation teaches fear in some respects. Yes, if you believe you are saved you have a sense of security; but is that the same as inner peace? Salvation also teaches me that I must do certain things to be saved. Baptism; Speaking in Tonques depending on what church you belong to. If you do not do these two things you are not saved according to some religions.
What I have learned in my Christian walk so far is that there are many interpretations of what each of these two words means. Just as there are many interpretations of who God is. This realization is leaning me more towards the belief that God lives within me and speaks truth to me as He sees fit, not the people I love and hang with. I have to look quietly within and listen to his voice. "Seek and you will find." "Knock and the door will be opened." So if I sincerely seek and knock for his truth then I have to believe he will answer. But when he answers differently than what I have been taught by those who truly love me and care about my "salvation" then begins the judgement. fear and yes, even anger. Out of love those who believe in baptism for salvation worry about my eternity. I admire their strong convictions; but then again, is conviction serenity? Does it bring about a quiet spirit or a strong opinion? I don't know.
When I listen to the voice inside; I hear God's love. I feel his strength and I am encouraged to go on no matter what. When my faith is as small as a mustard seed I nee to refuel with reading scriptures or other inspired words, when God brings friends who care and love me into my life; my faith begins to blossom and grow. I need to always be in the inspired words, in prayer and meditation and with fellow believers in order to nourish and water the seed within me.Then and only then do I have something to offer others. Love, compassion and assistance. It is by doing that my faith is seen. Not by words. It is by reaching out where my faith can be strengthened. I must always be relying on my God to do all these things. Without reliance on God I begin to rely on me and my studying for truth and I lose all concepts of reality where faith is concerned. An then once again He picks me up and tells me; "why do you keep going away from what works?"
So I put my mustard seed around my neck this morning to remind me where my faith comes from. To remind me I do not need the knowledge of the great Rabi's or Buddha's or Ministers to be guided and strengthened; nor to be filled with Holy Spirit of God. I only need the faith of a small mustard seed, like a small child, to be lead by the Holy Spirit who will then grow me to larger faith; a little at a time. Again I must remember. No matter where I am in my faith journey I am growing. And as I am growing I can have faith that God has my back:)
Jesus says if we have faith like a mustard seed we can move mountains. This is true! People of all faiths gain courage and encouragement through difficult times because of their faith. The belief in who God is to them gives the inspiration to live holy, honest lives and to continue on when there feels like no hope. I know many people with different beliefs in God. Some call him their "Higher Power", others Buddha, some Jesus; and then there are some who simply call God the Spirit of the Universe. And in fact if you really think about it he is the spirit who created the universe is he not?
So then I got to wondering. Could there be a difference between faith and salvation? I think maybe so.
Faith gets me through the difficult times. Faith teaches me to live in love for others, animals and the earth God created. Faith teaches me through the teachings of Christ to live to serve him out of respect and awe. Salvation teaches fear in some respects. Yes, if you believe you are saved you have a sense of security; but is that the same as inner peace? Salvation also teaches me that I must do certain things to be saved. Baptism; Speaking in Tonques depending on what church you belong to. If you do not do these two things you are not saved according to some religions.
What I have learned in my Christian walk so far is that there are many interpretations of what each of these two words means. Just as there are many interpretations of who God is. This realization is leaning me more towards the belief that God lives within me and speaks truth to me as He sees fit, not the people I love and hang with. I have to look quietly within and listen to his voice. "Seek and you will find." "Knock and the door will be opened." So if I sincerely seek and knock for his truth then I have to believe he will answer. But when he answers differently than what I have been taught by those who truly love me and care about my "salvation" then begins the judgement. fear and yes, even anger. Out of love those who believe in baptism for salvation worry about my eternity. I admire their strong convictions; but then again, is conviction serenity? Does it bring about a quiet spirit or a strong opinion? I don't know.
When I listen to the voice inside; I hear God's love. I feel his strength and I am encouraged to go on no matter what. When my faith is as small as a mustard seed I nee to refuel with reading scriptures or other inspired words, when God brings friends who care and love me into my life; my faith begins to blossom and grow. I need to always be in the inspired words, in prayer and meditation and with fellow believers in order to nourish and water the seed within me.Then and only then do I have something to offer others. Love, compassion and assistance. It is by doing that my faith is seen. Not by words. It is by reaching out where my faith can be strengthened. I must always be relying on my God to do all these things. Without reliance on God I begin to rely on me and my studying for truth and I lose all concepts of reality where faith is concerned. An then once again He picks me up and tells me; "why do you keep going away from what works?"
So I put my mustard seed around my neck this morning to remind me where my faith comes from. To remind me I do not need the knowledge of the great Rabi's or Buddha's or Ministers to be guided and strengthened; nor to be filled with Holy Spirit of God. I only need the faith of a small mustard seed, like a small child, to be lead by the Holy Spirit who will then grow me to larger faith; a little at a time. Again I must remember. No matter where I am in my faith journey I am growing. And as I am growing I can have faith that God has my back:)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A Message of service from a skunk"
Listening to that voice within is a difficult thing to do at times. Especially when it is telling me to do something for someone or do something I don't want to do.
Several years ago I had an experience that showed me God's love. How if I listen to that voice within when it tells me call someone or do something I don't want to do; God will bless me with the joy only His spirit can give.
I was taking my usual walk before church on a bike path. As I got closer to where I usually start back home this strong thought kept telling me to go a little further. I did not want to however, it would make me late for church. But the voice got stronger and I could not fight it. I knew it was the Holy Spirit urging me on. When finally heading back I spotted the skunk. He was running in circles! I was afraid to walk past him, but I also knew it was a longer walk back if I turned around. So I waited for him to go back towards the trees away from the bike path began to run past him. As I looked down at this beautiful creature I noticed he had a yogurt cup stuck on his face! He was running in circles out of panic. There was no hesitation, the skunk needed rescuing and needed it now. I could not leave him like that. Stooping down slowly I began to speak softly, just words of kindness. He didn't know what the words meant but he knew they were gentle sounds. His circles began to get smaller and closer to me. I was frightened, but more then ever determined to free this skunk from his dilemma. Words were coming out like, "OK God, you got me into this, and I am trusting you to help me not get sprayed." You see, I truly believe this is why that voice kept telling me to walk further that morning. The skunk ran a few more circles and finally to my dismay stopped right in front of me! What could I do? I gently grabbed the cup that was suctioned tightly onto the poor little guys nose and pulled. It wouldn't bunge! I wondered how I was going to get him home with me so I could cut it off. Imagine this little lady walking up the sidewalk holding a skunk in her hand with a cup on his nose! What a good cartoon character. That darn piece of trash was stuck so tight I don't think the little guy could breath. I prayed again for courage as I put one hand on his back and the other on the cup, certain this time he would become startled by my touch and spray me. He sat up and you would not believe it; he put those long black nails inside the rim of the yogurt cup and pushed as I pulled and the darn thing popped off. It was as if he knew just what to do if I only did my part. That is all God asks of me. To step out in life and do my part. He will give me what I need to get the job done.I don't know why the skunk trusted me; perhaps lack of oxygen; but that is not the important part. What is needed is trust. Others need to know with confidence that I am a spiritual being who can be trusted. Who will be there to lend a hand when needed inspite of how I feel or what I think.
Just as the skunk pushed and the cup flew off I jumped back, once again he surprised me when he merely walked away as if nothing had happened. Perhaps he was in shock. All I know is, he didn't run away so I can be certian he was not afraid of me. He did not spray me, so he was not threatened by me. His instincts told him by my actions that I was not going to harm him.
He just walked away. Not even a thank you. I guess not getting sprayed was his thank you. Now for the message God was giving me.
God can and will use anything to give me messages on what I need at that time. This time it was a lesson on listening and acting on that voice we get within to go that extra mile. Perhaps calling someone who you can't get out of your mind, but you have other things to do, there is no time to spend talking to someone who might just want to gab. But the persistant voice gets louder. You cannot ignor it any longer so you make the call. You find out she had just received the news she has cancer. She needed someone to talk to. You have to be somewhere in 15 minutes! But again that voice of the Holy Spirit pushes you to cancel that appt. and go to your friends home. You see, God needed me to save one of his creatures. He knew I would be the one who risked being sprayed by a skunk. I didn't want to walk further, I wanted to go home. However, instead of coming back from the walk tired and ok, I walked home feeling fantastic and excited. How many people can say they touched a skunk and helped pulled a yogurt cup off his face. Actually I was surprised anyone believed me.
When that spirit within speaks to me I listen. I never know who I might help. Who I may lift out of despair. Or simply get them out of a bind. God uses people to help others; we just don't always listen. Today I choose to see good in people. To seek ways to make my job easier like putting in my MP3 player and listeninig to my classical music. And when I am calm I feel God's spirit wrapped around and through me. It effects others in the office as well.
I wonder, had I not listened that morning, what would have become of the skunk? When I don't listen how will I ever experience God's power? His love? I will work on seeing the good in all people; I will practice loving people who are brought intomy life that frustrate me. After all they could be a skunk in need of guidance and help. Or an angel in human form. I will let you know how this works at the end of the week.
Several years ago I had an experience that showed me God's love. How if I listen to that voice within when it tells me call someone or do something I don't want to do; God will bless me with the joy only His spirit can give.
I was taking my usual walk before church on a bike path. As I got closer to where I usually start back home this strong thought kept telling me to go a little further. I did not want to however, it would make me late for church. But the voice got stronger and I could not fight it. I knew it was the Holy Spirit urging me on. When finally heading back I spotted the skunk. He was running in circles! I was afraid to walk past him, but I also knew it was a longer walk back if I turned around. So I waited for him to go back towards the trees away from the bike path began to run past him. As I looked down at this beautiful creature I noticed he had a yogurt cup stuck on his face! He was running in circles out of panic. There was no hesitation, the skunk needed rescuing and needed it now. I could not leave him like that. Stooping down slowly I began to speak softly, just words of kindness. He didn't know what the words meant but he knew they were gentle sounds. His circles began to get smaller and closer to me. I was frightened, but more then ever determined to free this skunk from his dilemma. Words were coming out like, "OK God, you got me into this, and I am trusting you to help me not get sprayed." You see, I truly believe this is why that voice kept telling me to walk further that morning. The skunk ran a few more circles and finally to my dismay stopped right in front of me! What could I do? I gently grabbed the cup that was suctioned tightly onto the poor little guys nose and pulled. It wouldn't bunge! I wondered how I was going to get him home with me so I could cut it off. Imagine this little lady walking up the sidewalk holding a skunk in her hand with a cup on his nose! What a good cartoon character. That darn piece of trash was stuck so tight I don't think the little guy could breath. I prayed again for courage as I put one hand on his back and the other on the cup, certain this time he would become startled by my touch and spray me. He sat up and you would not believe it; he put those long black nails inside the rim of the yogurt cup and pushed as I pulled and the darn thing popped off. It was as if he knew just what to do if I only did my part. That is all God asks of me. To step out in life and do my part. He will give me what I need to get the job done.I don't know why the skunk trusted me; perhaps lack of oxygen; but that is not the important part. What is needed is trust. Others need to know with confidence that I am a spiritual being who can be trusted. Who will be there to lend a hand when needed inspite of how I feel or what I think.
Just as the skunk pushed and the cup flew off I jumped back, once again he surprised me when he merely walked away as if nothing had happened. Perhaps he was in shock. All I know is, he didn't run away so I can be certian he was not afraid of me. He did not spray me, so he was not threatened by me. His instincts told him by my actions that I was not going to harm him.
He just walked away. Not even a thank you. I guess not getting sprayed was his thank you. Now for the message God was giving me.
God can and will use anything to give me messages on what I need at that time. This time it was a lesson on listening and acting on that voice we get within to go that extra mile. Perhaps calling someone who you can't get out of your mind, but you have other things to do, there is no time to spend talking to someone who might just want to gab. But the persistant voice gets louder. You cannot ignor it any longer so you make the call. You find out she had just received the news she has cancer. She needed someone to talk to. You have to be somewhere in 15 minutes! But again that voice of the Holy Spirit pushes you to cancel that appt. and go to your friends home. You see, God needed me to save one of his creatures. He knew I would be the one who risked being sprayed by a skunk. I didn't want to walk further, I wanted to go home. However, instead of coming back from the walk tired and ok, I walked home feeling fantastic and excited. How many people can say they touched a skunk and helped pulled a yogurt cup off his face. Actually I was surprised anyone believed me.
When that spirit within speaks to me I listen. I never know who I might help. Who I may lift out of despair. Or simply get them out of a bind. God uses people to help others; we just don't always listen. Today I choose to see good in people. To seek ways to make my job easier like putting in my MP3 player and listeninig to my classical music. And when I am calm I feel God's spirit wrapped around and through me. It effects others in the office as well.
I wonder, had I not listened that morning, what would have become of the skunk? When I don't listen how will I ever experience God's power? His love? I will work on seeing the good in all people; I will practice loving people who are brought intomy life that frustrate me. After all they could be a skunk in need of guidance and help. Or an angel in human form. I will let you know how this works at the end of the week.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Where is God Among the Noise?
I did not go to church this morning. Partly due to my chronic back problem that seems to flare up more these days, but more because I cannot hear God's voice amongst all that noise. I find myself wanting more and more to just stay put in bed and read scripture and talk to God quietly. Church is a great social gathering and I do love seeing those I have come to love very much; however that is not what I wish for my "church" to consist of.
Of late I have asked myself; what do I really have in common with these folks aside from believing in Christ? Even there our beliefs are different in some respects. But here at home I lay in my bed or on the couch when my husband is gone, and I can hear God's still voice within. I can focus my mind on the scriptures I am reading and I can quietly speak to God about my praises and concerns. He has become such a good friend and yet also remains All Powerful and all Knowing. Not one I would mess with if you get my meaning.
The times I feel the closest to God are when it is early morning or late at night and everyone is asleep. I can hear the birds and feel the breeze and that to me is God's love. He touches my face softly through the breeze. He speaks kindly and with joy through the birds chirping. I see a Robin building a nest and I think, "God takes care of my needs in the same loving way." Sometimes when I am just sitting somewhere and my thoughts drift to God I can actually envision this huge angel standing behind me and I feel protected. God is telling me, I am with you.
Yes, God is all around me when I am willing to take the time to be quiet and reflective. When I am willing to open my spirit to God's spirit the connection betwen us is made and I am empowered with love and peace. My only regret is that I do not have this all of the time. That is what I truly seek. To have peace and joy no matter the circumstances around me. To be at peace even when surrounded by people running about and talking loud, playing their music all around me, would be true spirituality. It is no wonder we God's spirit \is not as strong and real to us as days long ago; we have replaced him with loud, impersonal technology and have encouraged our kids to do so by buying them these toys they absolutely "must have." We have surrounded ourselves, our beings with technology and slowly eased God out of our lives. So what change can I make to overcome these worldly interferences?
I will continue to strive for more peace, more quiet time. I will push myself to be willing to get up earlier (yeah right), or stay up later (more realistic), to spend time connecting with God; spirit to spirit. I will not expect much at the beginning of this new way of life, but it is obtainable, this I believe.
Perhaps this is why I yearn so strongly for quietness in my life. I don't want to drown out God. I do not want to distract my thoughts with t.v.; radio or loud groups of people. Ha! It would be more conducive to my spiritual maturity and interest to sit down with a few people and discuss the words of Jesus or other great spiritual writer and how it can and does impact our personal lives. Not what do the words mean; but how do the words effect us on a human level in our daly lives. I sometimes get so focused on how I want to be a good "Christian" that I forget it is the spirit within, God's spirit that I need to focus on. I love this spiritual quest; it keeps me yearning to know God better and practice his presence more.
Another thing I will strive towards is to use the word "I" less in my blogs!!!! Ok, now back to my classical music and knitting. Two other things that keep me at peace and in God's presence.
Of late I have asked myself; what do I really have in common with these folks aside from believing in Christ? Even there our beliefs are different in some respects. But here at home I lay in my bed or on the couch when my husband is gone, and I can hear God's still voice within. I can focus my mind on the scriptures I am reading and I can quietly speak to God about my praises and concerns. He has become such a good friend and yet also remains All Powerful and all Knowing. Not one I would mess with if you get my meaning.
The times I feel the closest to God are when it is early morning or late at night and everyone is asleep. I can hear the birds and feel the breeze and that to me is God's love. He touches my face softly through the breeze. He speaks kindly and with joy through the birds chirping. I see a Robin building a nest and I think, "God takes care of my needs in the same loving way." Sometimes when I am just sitting somewhere and my thoughts drift to God I can actually envision this huge angel standing behind me and I feel protected. God is telling me, I am with you.
Yes, God is all around me when I am willing to take the time to be quiet and reflective. When I am willing to open my spirit to God's spirit the connection betwen us is made and I am empowered with love and peace. My only regret is that I do not have this all of the time. That is what I truly seek. To have peace and joy no matter the circumstances around me. To be at peace even when surrounded by people running about and talking loud, playing their music all around me, would be true spirituality. It is no wonder we God's spirit \is not as strong and real to us as days long ago; we have replaced him with loud, impersonal technology and have encouraged our kids to do so by buying them these toys they absolutely "must have." We have surrounded ourselves, our beings with technology and slowly eased God out of our lives. So what change can I make to overcome these worldly interferences?
I will continue to strive for more peace, more quiet time. I will push myself to be willing to get up earlier (yeah right), or stay up later (more realistic), to spend time connecting with God; spirit to spirit. I will not expect much at the beginning of this new way of life, but it is obtainable, this I believe.
Perhaps this is why I yearn so strongly for quietness in my life. I don't want to drown out God. I do not want to distract my thoughts with t.v.; radio or loud groups of people. Ha! It would be more conducive to my spiritual maturity and interest to sit down with a few people and discuss the words of Jesus or other great spiritual writer and how it can and does impact our personal lives. Not what do the words mean; but how do the words effect us on a human level in our daly lives. I sometimes get so focused on how I want to be a good "Christian" that I forget it is the spirit within, God's spirit that I need to focus on. I love this spiritual quest; it keeps me yearning to know God better and practice his presence more.
Another thing I will strive towards is to use the word "I" less in my blogs!!!! Ok, now back to my classical music and knitting. Two other things that keep me at peace and in God's presence.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
A Meeting with God
Doubting God's word has always been a problem for me. Doubting my faith in what I have learned and heard about my Christian faith and what it should look like from one who is "saved" or more "mature in the faith."has caused me such anxiety and self-doubting. The uncertainty and need to believe what I heard has caused me such confusion and turmoil that I cannot or could not obtain the inner peace I have always searched for. I have had glimpses, this is true, they were always just that, glimpses. The past several weeks I have come to understand that only I can tell myself what truth is. It is from within that God's spirit talks to me. Not "out there" This is not true of everyone perhaps; but for me it is. I know this with absolute conviction.
I have never trusted completely in what my gut tells me, what my instincts tell me and I have paid the price many times over for this. But what is really important here is that until I am ready to be completely willing to live this life the way I believe God intends for me each day, I will never experience true inner peace. I will always be in turmoil, I will always be searching. You cannot live up to what someone else says is truth no matter how convincing. If it is not what the Holy Spirit deep within is telling you, then it will not rest comfortably inside of you. It is only by my own conviction that I will be able to stand up straight and say, "This I believe." without feeling aprehensive or defensive. To be honest about who I am, what I trust in and what I believe is to know freedom. And freedom brings harmony and peace with those around me. I am no longer on defense or offense.
A short while back, when I finally admitted to myself and God that I did not believe in the virgin birth or resurrection with complete certainty, I felt such an overwhelming peace and joy within. The truth was out of the bag. I was no longer afraid because I did not believe everything I was taught or been told was truth. I was able to come clean with others since then about my speculations as to taking the whole Bible literally. Of course, I had to make sure these people knew I meant business so I came out strong let me tell you. But today I realize, that when I am being honest with myself, when I am being truthful to myself and what I believe, I do not need to convince you that I am right. It is when I try to force myself to believe something I just cannot believe that I become doubtful and therefore defensive with others because I need to convince you so you will agree, and then don't you see, I can feel confident in my faith. After all you wouldn't come around to my way of thinking if it weren't true right?
Ok, once again I have jumped off the path. Anyway, it has brought great inner peace to realize just how much my opinion does not matter. Nor is it my duty to push it upon others. And with this awareness, I suddenly realized, what other's opinions are does not matter either, nor should I allow them to push their opinions upon me. That is not God's will for us. What a concept! Talk about knowing the truth and the truth setting me free! The search for truth was finally over. I will continue to learn and grow along spiritual lines, but I will no longer try to believe something I cannot or try to believe something because "it might be true." I will simply believe God is - and therefore he will - guide me on my spiritual path towards a deeper relationship with him.
Anytime I am quiet and reading the gospels or other spritual works, I am always given a message or meaning for my day ahead. Or even an answer to an earlier question. Sometimes God will meet with me through a book, another time through a person and another instance through a vision or sorts. But always, when I am willing to hear his message good or bad, I will know it. Am I willing to respond to the message is the real question. Am I willing to change something in me that is wrong? Am I willing to ask for forgiveness, or more difficult still, am I wlling to forgive another?
Where has my self-confidence and security been coming from? Others. Ironically, I have put more trust in other people and what they believe, than in my own confidence of what I know and I don't even trust people all that much! I have always lacked confidence in my instincts. God has seen fit lately to slowly change this in me. Ok, it could just be menopause I suppose. I guess most women come to themselves in mid-life, but deep down, I know it is the spirit within me that is awakening. And it is that spirit, the spirit of God that I want to nourish and care for. It isn't easy that is for sure. It is never easy to go up against the majority in your little world. Nor is it easy for those around you who are used to you being a certain way, to accept your changes. Especially if it effects them somehow. God makes us stronger and more confident when we are finally ready to truly do his will. Maybe that is where, "To thine own Self be true" came from. After all, if you are not honest with yourself how can you really have peace?
I do not hold to the same beliefs my Christain fellows do. I do not believe the virgin birth happened or that Jesus was dead three days and came to life. I just don't. I have tried to convince myself I did for several years now and have known only inner turmoil and anxiety where my faith is concerned. I could not have a meaningful, trusting relationship with God because I wasn't being honest with myself. Once I finally openly admitted to God what he already knew, I began to change and become more joyful and more bold, (This is when I began to see I didn't have a right to force my opinion on others). Slowly I have begun to open my eyes to all that God has for me to see. I have begun to trust in his love for me and for the Holy Spirit's guidance in my soul. I trust in that more and more. I do believe with all my spiritual being that God sent Jesus to the earth to give us guidance and truth. On the other hand, I also believe God sent other prophets to guide us and give us messages; many are in the Old Testament of the Bible, others are from other religions of the world, Buddha for instance. He was a very spiritual being. So were many Catholic Monks. So who am I to say who God sends and how he sends us His messages and love? Are you really confident enough in yourself to go up against God?
So, now I have this wonderful new relationship with God based on honesty and willingness to hear his will for me. Here is the bad news part.
Once God took hold of me, after I finally got honest with him; things began to change and contiue to change. I am no longer willing or even able to sit down and pretend anymore. I can't even if it were more comfortable to do so. It is like taking someone who has spent the majority of his/her life in a basement of a house with no windows; taking him/her upstairs to the well lit rooms and then saying, now you go back downstairs and forget what you have just seen up here. Would you be able to stay down there and be content? No. You would keep wondering what else is up there in those rooms. And then you would wonder, what is outside those rooms? Outside the house? The same applies to what happened to me. I was given the awesome freedom of being truthful where I stood spiritually and there was no confusion or fear regarding salvation. Just a sense of peace and joy. It was ok to be the woman God created all along. Oh yeah, I was talking about the bad news.
I now realize that once I have begun this honest relationship with God that I am slowly changing. I am becoming more confident and honest each day. This can make those close to me uncomfortable. They are not used to me saying "no", or "I don't agree." or worse yet, "I am going with my gut on this one." Even more disturbing to them is that I am becoming quieter, they are always asking, "are you ok?". The most difficult part of this new awakening is knowing that by being truthful to where or what God is leading me to can cause others to be disappointed or hurt. Something I do not ever want to get comfortable doing. But I know there will be times when I will have to put God's will ahead of a friends, or co-workers or yes, even my husband's will for me.
God is teaching me the importance of "being quick to listen, and slow to speak". If I am quick to listen, I will hear what God wants me to hear. If I am slow to speak, I am more apt to hear God say, "Cathie, you really don't need to say that, they really don't need your opinion right now." And even though I disagree at times, when I listen to that inner voice, I almost always hear a message. Good or bad, I get a message. And that message can come through any type of meeting with God.
The meeting with God can be in a passage of a book I am reading, or in a group I am with and even through a vision of sorts. Being a visual person, God sometimes will show me something in my thoughts. And I will actually watch the message being played out. I will share a few on this blog in the future. For now I just want to say, I am back with a vengeance. I am excited to start sharing experiences and messages I receive from my morning readings or life's experiences.
Blessings
I have never trusted completely in what my gut tells me, what my instincts tell me and I have paid the price many times over for this. But what is really important here is that until I am ready to be completely willing to live this life the way I believe God intends for me each day, I will never experience true inner peace. I will always be in turmoil, I will always be searching. You cannot live up to what someone else says is truth no matter how convincing. If it is not what the Holy Spirit deep within is telling you, then it will not rest comfortably inside of you. It is only by my own conviction that I will be able to stand up straight and say, "This I believe." without feeling aprehensive or defensive. To be honest about who I am, what I trust in and what I believe is to know freedom. And freedom brings harmony and peace with those around me. I am no longer on defense or offense.
A short while back, when I finally admitted to myself and God that I did not believe in the virgin birth or resurrection with complete certainty, I felt such an overwhelming peace and joy within. The truth was out of the bag. I was no longer afraid because I did not believe everything I was taught or been told was truth. I was able to come clean with others since then about my speculations as to taking the whole Bible literally. Of course, I had to make sure these people knew I meant business so I came out strong let me tell you. But today I realize, that when I am being honest with myself, when I am being truthful to myself and what I believe, I do not need to convince you that I am right. It is when I try to force myself to believe something I just cannot believe that I become doubtful and therefore defensive with others because I need to convince you so you will agree, and then don't you see, I can feel confident in my faith. After all you wouldn't come around to my way of thinking if it weren't true right?
Ok, once again I have jumped off the path. Anyway, it has brought great inner peace to realize just how much my opinion does not matter. Nor is it my duty to push it upon others. And with this awareness, I suddenly realized, what other's opinions are does not matter either, nor should I allow them to push their opinions upon me. That is not God's will for us. What a concept! Talk about knowing the truth and the truth setting me free! The search for truth was finally over. I will continue to learn and grow along spiritual lines, but I will no longer try to believe something I cannot or try to believe something because "it might be true." I will simply believe God is - and therefore he will - guide me on my spiritual path towards a deeper relationship with him.
Anytime I am quiet and reading the gospels or other spritual works, I am always given a message or meaning for my day ahead. Or even an answer to an earlier question. Sometimes God will meet with me through a book, another time through a person and another instance through a vision or sorts. But always, when I am willing to hear his message good or bad, I will know it. Am I willing to respond to the message is the real question. Am I willing to change something in me that is wrong? Am I willing to ask for forgiveness, or more difficult still, am I wlling to forgive another?
Where has my self-confidence and security been coming from? Others. Ironically, I have put more trust in other people and what they believe, than in my own confidence of what I know and I don't even trust people all that much! I have always lacked confidence in my instincts. God has seen fit lately to slowly change this in me. Ok, it could just be menopause I suppose. I guess most women come to themselves in mid-life, but deep down, I know it is the spirit within me that is awakening. And it is that spirit, the spirit of God that I want to nourish and care for. It isn't easy that is for sure. It is never easy to go up against the majority in your little world. Nor is it easy for those around you who are used to you being a certain way, to accept your changes. Especially if it effects them somehow. God makes us stronger and more confident when we are finally ready to truly do his will. Maybe that is where, "To thine own Self be true" came from. After all, if you are not honest with yourself how can you really have peace?
I do not hold to the same beliefs my Christain fellows do. I do not believe the virgin birth happened or that Jesus was dead three days and came to life. I just don't. I have tried to convince myself I did for several years now and have known only inner turmoil and anxiety where my faith is concerned. I could not have a meaningful, trusting relationship with God because I wasn't being honest with myself. Once I finally openly admitted to God what he already knew, I began to change and become more joyful and more bold, (This is when I began to see I didn't have a right to force my opinion on others). Slowly I have begun to open my eyes to all that God has for me to see. I have begun to trust in his love for me and for the Holy Spirit's guidance in my soul. I trust in that more and more. I do believe with all my spiritual being that God sent Jesus to the earth to give us guidance and truth. On the other hand, I also believe God sent other prophets to guide us and give us messages; many are in the Old Testament of the Bible, others are from other religions of the world, Buddha for instance. He was a very spiritual being. So were many Catholic Monks. So who am I to say who God sends and how he sends us His messages and love? Are you really confident enough in yourself to go up against God?
So, now I have this wonderful new relationship with God based on honesty and willingness to hear his will for me. Here is the bad news part.
Once God took hold of me, after I finally got honest with him; things began to change and contiue to change. I am no longer willing or even able to sit down and pretend anymore. I can't even if it were more comfortable to do so. It is like taking someone who has spent the majority of his/her life in a basement of a house with no windows; taking him/her upstairs to the well lit rooms and then saying, now you go back downstairs and forget what you have just seen up here. Would you be able to stay down there and be content? No. You would keep wondering what else is up there in those rooms. And then you would wonder, what is outside those rooms? Outside the house? The same applies to what happened to me. I was given the awesome freedom of being truthful where I stood spiritually and there was no confusion or fear regarding salvation. Just a sense of peace and joy. It was ok to be the woman God created all along. Oh yeah, I was talking about the bad news.
I now realize that once I have begun this honest relationship with God that I am slowly changing. I am becoming more confident and honest each day. This can make those close to me uncomfortable. They are not used to me saying "no", or "I don't agree." or worse yet, "I am going with my gut on this one." Even more disturbing to them is that I am becoming quieter, they are always asking, "are you ok?". The most difficult part of this new awakening is knowing that by being truthful to where or what God is leading me to can cause others to be disappointed or hurt. Something I do not ever want to get comfortable doing. But I know there will be times when I will have to put God's will ahead of a friends, or co-workers or yes, even my husband's will for me.
God is teaching me the importance of "being quick to listen, and slow to speak". If I am quick to listen, I will hear what God wants me to hear. If I am slow to speak, I am more apt to hear God say, "Cathie, you really don't need to say that, they really don't need your opinion right now." And even though I disagree at times, when I listen to that inner voice, I almost always hear a message. Good or bad, I get a message. And that message can come through any type of meeting with God.
The meeting with God can be in a passage of a book I am reading, or in a group I am with and even through a vision of sorts. Being a visual person, God sometimes will show me something in my thoughts. And I will actually watch the message being played out. I will share a few on this blog in the future. For now I just want to say, I am back with a vengeance. I am excited to start sharing experiences and messages I receive from my morning readings or life's experiences.
Blessings
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