I was speaking with someone the other night regarding the resurrection, the virgin birth and how I had a very difficult time believing in these events. We talked a little; then the conversation moved on to other topics of biblical discussions with other people in the group. As I was listening to him talk to this couple I heard him mention Heb. 11:1 and what it said. The conversation had turned to other biblical opinions and beliefs when a thought struck me. It was as if God himself was in my brain at that moment shouting; Cathie hear what he just said. "Faith is the assurance of the things to come; the conviction of what is not seen." Conviction of what is not seen. Wow. it came to me that this verse I had always believed was talking about the future event of Christ's return, (another doubt for me) could posiibly also mean things not seen in the past like the virgin birth and resurrection!
All these years of proclaiming to be a Christian was a lie. The truth was that I did not believe, I only tried to believe in who Christ claimed to be. I did however believe he was sent from God to teach us about things of the spirit. I wanted to have the conviction I saw in other believers but could not. This was causing me to frustrated and anxious in my faith. To begin a journey once again to something I could believe in. This would be a long, time consuming path. Wasn't my Christian path difficult enough to understand without going and trying to find another belief to learn all about? Had I truly given this spiritual path with Jesus a fair chance? What if it were possible. If God is God then can he not in his powerful spirit do whatever he needed to do to show his love for us? Turning to the passage again I asked God for truth and understanding I could accept for that moment. Just that small moment. It was not necessary for me to think ahead or figure things out. Just a small amount of faith. All this time I was trying to believe in something I could not comprehend nor had seen! Not wanting to frustrate or disappoint those who were taking so much time with me to help me beleive I believed what I could to please them. And even convinced myself I believed. In reality the assurance was in the fact it "could have" happened. But these events, the virgin birth, ressurection, miracles, these were things were impossible, incomprehensible to understand.
The message I received that night was; Heb. 11:1 wasn't just speaking about my future with God as I had understood it to refer to eternity with him. But was for faith in all things I could not understand and difficult situations I will find myself in as I walk through this life. The joy and excitement that grew inside told me this was from God and it was a new truth for me to take hold of, tuck away with my other messages from the spirit to use for future reference. The real question now is, am I now willing to give my spirit to God and trust in him for guidance? Was I now willing to believe the events in the bible were true, actual events? It did not mean I had to believe at this moment; nor that I would in the future. The question for me is, "Am I willing to open my heart and mind to the possiblity and accept what comes." It may happen that I will realize no, I do not believe and therefore move on in my spiritual quest. Or it will mean I do believe and still continue on my spritiual quest, just in a different direction. I will never put my faith in church or religious doctrine. But I can put my faith in Christ and what he says about himself. For now however, I will keep it simple and wait on God's spirit to direct me.
Faith and trust are and always has been difficult concepts for me to grasp. Especially in a God I can neither see nor feel. I also know from life experiences that because I believe in God, even though I love God as much as I humanly can; this does not assure me of a life of luxury and joy forever and ever. It does get me through the difficult times knowing I have his strength; that his spirit lives inside me and strengthens me when I am willing to give it a chance.
This I can say with all certainty. When I continue on my Christian path and do not stray from it I am stronger in my conviction. I am at peace with God. When I begin searching all over the place for the "truth" I become confused and anxious; doubtful and frustrated. Quieting my spirit and letting what I believe at the particular moment be ok keeps me centered. As long as I am looking to God through scripture, people's conversations, spiritual reading; when I am open to his spirit, not the churches, to speak wisdom and truth, life is calmer, inner peace is attainable and I am once again free from what others are trying to tell me to believe, or more importantly, trying to accept and believe what I do not at that time. Today that is ok for me. It is ok not to have all the answers. It is ok that I do not and will not ever understand God's power and who he is.
There is a vast difference from listening to one who is sharing experience and one who is sharing opinion on what I must or should believe. Like what was said in class this morning; "people don't want to hear about my faith, they want to see my faith." Attraction not promotion as I have heard it said elsewhere. So, once again I have to ask myself what do I truly, honestly believe about my faith and where do I choose to start it from?
Does this mean I do not accept other religious, spiritual faiths? Do I now claim that Christians have the only true way to heaven or God after death? Absolutely, infatically NO! We cannot make that claim. God is the only being who makes that call, not me.
God is light, God is Love and God is fair. And that my friend is where my faith lies this evening at this moment.
Another piece of my spiritual puzzle is in place. Soon the framework will be done.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Faith like a Mustard Seed
This morning I picked up something I hadn't worn in a long time. It is a small mustard seed encased in a glass ball. As I held it and pondered a moment an inspiration to write came to me. So here I am writing about a small mustard seed once again worn around my neck.
Jesus says if we have faith like a mustard seed we can move mountains. This is true! People of all faiths gain courage and encouragement through difficult times because of their faith. The belief in who God is to them gives the inspiration to live holy, honest lives and to continue on when there feels like no hope. I know many people with different beliefs in God. Some call him their "Higher Power", others Buddha, some Jesus; and then there are some who simply call God the Spirit of the Universe. And in fact if you really think about it he is the spirit who created the universe is he not?
So then I got to wondering. Could there be a difference between faith and salvation? I think maybe so.
Faith gets me through the difficult times. Faith teaches me to live in love for others, animals and the earth God created. Faith teaches me through the teachings of Christ to live to serve him out of respect and awe. Salvation teaches fear in some respects. Yes, if you believe you are saved you have a sense of security; but is that the same as inner peace? Salvation also teaches me that I must do certain things to be saved. Baptism; Speaking in Tonques depending on what church you belong to. If you do not do these two things you are not saved according to some religions.
What I have learned in my Christian walk so far is that there are many interpretations of what each of these two words means. Just as there are many interpretations of who God is. This realization is leaning me more towards the belief that God lives within me and speaks truth to me as He sees fit, not the people I love and hang with. I have to look quietly within and listen to his voice. "Seek and you will find." "Knock and the door will be opened." So if I sincerely seek and knock for his truth then I have to believe he will answer. But when he answers differently than what I have been taught by those who truly love me and care about my "salvation" then begins the judgement. fear and yes, even anger. Out of love those who believe in baptism for salvation worry about my eternity. I admire their strong convictions; but then again, is conviction serenity? Does it bring about a quiet spirit or a strong opinion? I don't know.
When I listen to the voice inside; I hear God's love. I feel his strength and I am encouraged to go on no matter what. When my faith is as small as a mustard seed I nee to refuel with reading scriptures or other inspired words, when God brings friends who care and love me into my life; my faith begins to blossom and grow. I need to always be in the inspired words, in prayer and meditation and with fellow believers in order to nourish and water the seed within me.Then and only then do I have something to offer others. Love, compassion and assistance. It is by doing that my faith is seen. Not by words. It is by reaching out where my faith can be strengthened. I must always be relying on my God to do all these things. Without reliance on God I begin to rely on me and my studying for truth and I lose all concepts of reality where faith is concerned. An then once again He picks me up and tells me; "why do you keep going away from what works?"
So I put my mustard seed around my neck this morning to remind me where my faith comes from. To remind me I do not need the knowledge of the great Rabi's or Buddha's or Ministers to be guided and strengthened; nor to be filled with Holy Spirit of God. I only need the faith of a small mustard seed, like a small child, to be lead by the Holy Spirit who will then grow me to larger faith; a little at a time. Again I must remember. No matter where I am in my faith journey I am growing. And as I am growing I can have faith that God has my back:)
Jesus says if we have faith like a mustard seed we can move mountains. This is true! People of all faiths gain courage and encouragement through difficult times because of their faith. The belief in who God is to them gives the inspiration to live holy, honest lives and to continue on when there feels like no hope. I know many people with different beliefs in God. Some call him their "Higher Power", others Buddha, some Jesus; and then there are some who simply call God the Spirit of the Universe. And in fact if you really think about it he is the spirit who created the universe is he not?
So then I got to wondering. Could there be a difference between faith and salvation? I think maybe so.
Faith gets me through the difficult times. Faith teaches me to live in love for others, animals and the earth God created. Faith teaches me through the teachings of Christ to live to serve him out of respect and awe. Salvation teaches fear in some respects. Yes, if you believe you are saved you have a sense of security; but is that the same as inner peace? Salvation also teaches me that I must do certain things to be saved. Baptism; Speaking in Tonques depending on what church you belong to. If you do not do these two things you are not saved according to some religions.
What I have learned in my Christian walk so far is that there are many interpretations of what each of these two words means. Just as there are many interpretations of who God is. This realization is leaning me more towards the belief that God lives within me and speaks truth to me as He sees fit, not the people I love and hang with. I have to look quietly within and listen to his voice. "Seek and you will find." "Knock and the door will be opened." So if I sincerely seek and knock for his truth then I have to believe he will answer. But when he answers differently than what I have been taught by those who truly love me and care about my "salvation" then begins the judgement. fear and yes, even anger. Out of love those who believe in baptism for salvation worry about my eternity. I admire their strong convictions; but then again, is conviction serenity? Does it bring about a quiet spirit or a strong opinion? I don't know.
When I listen to the voice inside; I hear God's love. I feel his strength and I am encouraged to go on no matter what. When my faith is as small as a mustard seed I nee to refuel with reading scriptures or other inspired words, when God brings friends who care and love me into my life; my faith begins to blossom and grow. I need to always be in the inspired words, in prayer and meditation and with fellow believers in order to nourish and water the seed within me.Then and only then do I have something to offer others. Love, compassion and assistance. It is by doing that my faith is seen. Not by words. It is by reaching out where my faith can be strengthened. I must always be relying on my God to do all these things. Without reliance on God I begin to rely on me and my studying for truth and I lose all concepts of reality where faith is concerned. An then once again He picks me up and tells me; "why do you keep going away from what works?"
So I put my mustard seed around my neck this morning to remind me where my faith comes from. To remind me I do not need the knowledge of the great Rabi's or Buddha's or Ministers to be guided and strengthened; nor to be filled with Holy Spirit of God. I only need the faith of a small mustard seed, like a small child, to be lead by the Holy Spirit who will then grow me to larger faith; a little at a time. Again I must remember. No matter where I am in my faith journey I am growing. And as I am growing I can have faith that God has my back:)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A Message of service from a skunk"
Listening to that voice within is a difficult thing to do at times. Especially when it is telling me to do something for someone or do something I don't want to do.
Several years ago I had an experience that showed me God's love. How if I listen to that voice within when it tells me call someone or do something I don't want to do; God will bless me with the joy only His spirit can give.
I was taking my usual walk before church on a bike path. As I got closer to where I usually start back home this strong thought kept telling me to go a little further. I did not want to however, it would make me late for church. But the voice got stronger and I could not fight it. I knew it was the Holy Spirit urging me on. When finally heading back I spotted the skunk. He was running in circles! I was afraid to walk past him, but I also knew it was a longer walk back if I turned around. So I waited for him to go back towards the trees away from the bike path began to run past him. As I looked down at this beautiful creature I noticed he had a yogurt cup stuck on his face! He was running in circles out of panic. There was no hesitation, the skunk needed rescuing and needed it now. I could not leave him like that. Stooping down slowly I began to speak softly, just words of kindness. He didn't know what the words meant but he knew they were gentle sounds. His circles began to get smaller and closer to me. I was frightened, but more then ever determined to free this skunk from his dilemma. Words were coming out like, "OK God, you got me into this, and I am trusting you to help me not get sprayed." You see, I truly believe this is why that voice kept telling me to walk further that morning. The skunk ran a few more circles and finally to my dismay stopped right in front of me! What could I do? I gently grabbed the cup that was suctioned tightly onto the poor little guys nose and pulled. It wouldn't bunge! I wondered how I was going to get him home with me so I could cut it off. Imagine this little lady walking up the sidewalk holding a skunk in her hand with a cup on his nose! What a good cartoon character. That darn piece of trash was stuck so tight I don't think the little guy could breath. I prayed again for courage as I put one hand on his back and the other on the cup, certain this time he would become startled by my touch and spray me. He sat up and you would not believe it; he put those long black nails inside the rim of the yogurt cup and pushed as I pulled and the darn thing popped off. It was as if he knew just what to do if I only did my part. That is all God asks of me. To step out in life and do my part. He will give me what I need to get the job done.I don't know why the skunk trusted me; perhaps lack of oxygen; but that is not the important part. What is needed is trust. Others need to know with confidence that I am a spiritual being who can be trusted. Who will be there to lend a hand when needed inspite of how I feel or what I think.
Just as the skunk pushed and the cup flew off I jumped back, once again he surprised me when he merely walked away as if nothing had happened. Perhaps he was in shock. All I know is, he didn't run away so I can be certian he was not afraid of me. He did not spray me, so he was not threatened by me. His instincts told him by my actions that I was not going to harm him.
He just walked away. Not even a thank you. I guess not getting sprayed was his thank you. Now for the message God was giving me.
God can and will use anything to give me messages on what I need at that time. This time it was a lesson on listening and acting on that voice we get within to go that extra mile. Perhaps calling someone who you can't get out of your mind, but you have other things to do, there is no time to spend talking to someone who might just want to gab. But the persistant voice gets louder. You cannot ignor it any longer so you make the call. You find out she had just received the news she has cancer. She needed someone to talk to. You have to be somewhere in 15 minutes! But again that voice of the Holy Spirit pushes you to cancel that appt. and go to your friends home. You see, God needed me to save one of his creatures. He knew I would be the one who risked being sprayed by a skunk. I didn't want to walk further, I wanted to go home. However, instead of coming back from the walk tired and ok, I walked home feeling fantastic and excited. How many people can say they touched a skunk and helped pulled a yogurt cup off his face. Actually I was surprised anyone believed me.
When that spirit within speaks to me I listen. I never know who I might help. Who I may lift out of despair. Or simply get them out of a bind. God uses people to help others; we just don't always listen. Today I choose to see good in people. To seek ways to make my job easier like putting in my MP3 player and listeninig to my classical music. And when I am calm I feel God's spirit wrapped around and through me. It effects others in the office as well.
I wonder, had I not listened that morning, what would have become of the skunk? When I don't listen how will I ever experience God's power? His love? I will work on seeing the good in all people; I will practice loving people who are brought intomy life that frustrate me. After all they could be a skunk in need of guidance and help. Or an angel in human form. I will let you know how this works at the end of the week.
Several years ago I had an experience that showed me God's love. How if I listen to that voice within when it tells me call someone or do something I don't want to do; God will bless me with the joy only His spirit can give.
I was taking my usual walk before church on a bike path. As I got closer to where I usually start back home this strong thought kept telling me to go a little further. I did not want to however, it would make me late for church. But the voice got stronger and I could not fight it. I knew it was the Holy Spirit urging me on. When finally heading back I spotted the skunk. He was running in circles! I was afraid to walk past him, but I also knew it was a longer walk back if I turned around. So I waited for him to go back towards the trees away from the bike path began to run past him. As I looked down at this beautiful creature I noticed he had a yogurt cup stuck on his face! He was running in circles out of panic. There was no hesitation, the skunk needed rescuing and needed it now. I could not leave him like that. Stooping down slowly I began to speak softly, just words of kindness. He didn't know what the words meant but he knew they were gentle sounds. His circles began to get smaller and closer to me. I was frightened, but more then ever determined to free this skunk from his dilemma. Words were coming out like, "OK God, you got me into this, and I am trusting you to help me not get sprayed." You see, I truly believe this is why that voice kept telling me to walk further that morning. The skunk ran a few more circles and finally to my dismay stopped right in front of me! What could I do? I gently grabbed the cup that was suctioned tightly onto the poor little guys nose and pulled. It wouldn't bunge! I wondered how I was going to get him home with me so I could cut it off. Imagine this little lady walking up the sidewalk holding a skunk in her hand with a cup on his nose! What a good cartoon character. That darn piece of trash was stuck so tight I don't think the little guy could breath. I prayed again for courage as I put one hand on his back and the other on the cup, certain this time he would become startled by my touch and spray me. He sat up and you would not believe it; he put those long black nails inside the rim of the yogurt cup and pushed as I pulled and the darn thing popped off. It was as if he knew just what to do if I only did my part. That is all God asks of me. To step out in life and do my part. He will give me what I need to get the job done.I don't know why the skunk trusted me; perhaps lack of oxygen; but that is not the important part. What is needed is trust. Others need to know with confidence that I am a spiritual being who can be trusted. Who will be there to lend a hand when needed inspite of how I feel or what I think.
Just as the skunk pushed and the cup flew off I jumped back, once again he surprised me when he merely walked away as if nothing had happened. Perhaps he was in shock. All I know is, he didn't run away so I can be certian he was not afraid of me. He did not spray me, so he was not threatened by me. His instincts told him by my actions that I was not going to harm him.
He just walked away. Not even a thank you. I guess not getting sprayed was his thank you. Now for the message God was giving me.
God can and will use anything to give me messages on what I need at that time. This time it was a lesson on listening and acting on that voice we get within to go that extra mile. Perhaps calling someone who you can't get out of your mind, but you have other things to do, there is no time to spend talking to someone who might just want to gab. But the persistant voice gets louder. You cannot ignor it any longer so you make the call. You find out she had just received the news she has cancer. She needed someone to talk to. You have to be somewhere in 15 minutes! But again that voice of the Holy Spirit pushes you to cancel that appt. and go to your friends home. You see, God needed me to save one of his creatures. He knew I would be the one who risked being sprayed by a skunk. I didn't want to walk further, I wanted to go home. However, instead of coming back from the walk tired and ok, I walked home feeling fantastic and excited. How many people can say they touched a skunk and helped pulled a yogurt cup off his face. Actually I was surprised anyone believed me.
When that spirit within speaks to me I listen. I never know who I might help. Who I may lift out of despair. Or simply get them out of a bind. God uses people to help others; we just don't always listen. Today I choose to see good in people. To seek ways to make my job easier like putting in my MP3 player and listeninig to my classical music. And when I am calm I feel God's spirit wrapped around and through me. It effects others in the office as well.
I wonder, had I not listened that morning, what would have become of the skunk? When I don't listen how will I ever experience God's power? His love? I will work on seeing the good in all people; I will practice loving people who are brought intomy life that frustrate me. After all they could be a skunk in need of guidance and help. Or an angel in human form. I will let you know how this works at the end of the week.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Where is God Among the Noise?
I did not go to church this morning. Partly due to my chronic back problem that seems to flare up more these days, but more because I cannot hear God's voice amongst all that noise. I find myself wanting more and more to just stay put in bed and read scripture and talk to God quietly. Church is a great social gathering and I do love seeing those I have come to love very much; however that is not what I wish for my "church" to consist of.
Of late I have asked myself; what do I really have in common with these folks aside from believing in Christ? Even there our beliefs are different in some respects. But here at home I lay in my bed or on the couch when my husband is gone, and I can hear God's still voice within. I can focus my mind on the scriptures I am reading and I can quietly speak to God about my praises and concerns. He has become such a good friend and yet also remains All Powerful and all Knowing. Not one I would mess with if you get my meaning.
The times I feel the closest to God are when it is early morning or late at night and everyone is asleep. I can hear the birds and feel the breeze and that to me is God's love. He touches my face softly through the breeze. He speaks kindly and with joy through the birds chirping. I see a Robin building a nest and I think, "God takes care of my needs in the same loving way." Sometimes when I am just sitting somewhere and my thoughts drift to God I can actually envision this huge angel standing behind me and I feel protected. God is telling me, I am with you.
Yes, God is all around me when I am willing to take the time to be quiet and reflective. When I am willing to open my spirit to God's spirit the connection betwen us is made and I am empowered with love and peace. My only regret is that I do not have this all of the time. That is what I truly seek. To have peace and joy no matter the circumstances around me. To be at peace even when surrounded by people running about and talking loud, playing their music all around me, would be true spirituality. It is no wonder we God's spirit \is not as strong and real to us as days long ago; we have replaced him with loud, impersonal technology and have encouraged our kids to do so by buying them these toys they absolutely "must have." We have surrounded ourselves, our beings with technology and slowly eased God out of our lives. So what change can I make to overcome these worldly interferences?
I will continue to strive for more peace, more quiet time. I will push myself to be willing to get up earlier (yeah right), or stay up later (more realistic), to spend time connecting with God; spirit to spirit. I will not expect much at the beginning of this new way of life, but it is obtainable, this I believe.
Perhaps this is why I yearn so strongly for quietness in my life. I don't want to drown out God. I do not want to distract my thoughts with t.v.; radio or loud groups of people. Ha! It would be more conducive to my spiritual maturity and interest to sit down with a few people and discuss the words of Jesus or other great spiritual writer and how it can and does impact our personal lives. Not what do the words mean; but how do the words effect us on a human level in our daly lives. I sometimes get so focused on how I want to be a good "Christian" that I forget it is the spirit within, God's spirit that I need to focus on. I love this spiritual quest; it keeps me yearning to know God better and practice his presence more.
Another thing I will strive towards is to use the word "I" less in my blogs!!!! Ok, now back to my classical music and knitting. Two other things that keep me at peace and in God's presence.
Of late I have asked myself; what do I really have in common with these folks aside from believing in Christ? Even there our beliefs are different in some respects. But here at home I lay in my bed or on the couch when my husband is gone, and I can hear God's still voice within. I can focus my mind on the scriptures I am reading and I can quietly speak to God about my praises and concerns. He has become such a good friend and yet also remains All Powerful and all Knowing. Not one I would mess with if you get my meaning.
The times I feel the closest to God are when it is early morning or late at night and everyone is asleep. I can hear the birds and feel the breeze and that to me is God's love. He touches my face softly through the breeze. He speaks kindly and with joy through the birds chirping. I see a Robin building a nest and I think, "God takes care of my needs in the same loving way." Sometimes when I am just sitting somewhere and my thoughts drift to God I can actually envision this huge angel standing behind me and I feel protected. God is telling me, I am with you.
Yes, God is all around me when I am willing to take the time to be quiet and reflective. When I am willing to open my spirit to God's spirit the connection betwen us is made and I am empowered with love and peace. My only regret is that I do not have this all of the time. That is what I truly seek. To have peace and joy no matter the circumstances around me. To be at peace even when surrounded by people running about and talking loud, playing their music all around me, would be true spirituality. It is no wonder we God's spirit \is not as strong and real to us as days long ago; we have replaced him with loud, impersonal technology and have encouraged our kids to do so by buying them these toys they absolutely "must have." We have surrounded ourselves, our beings with technology and slowly eased God out of our lives. So what change can I make to overcome these worldly interferences?
I will continue to strive for more peace, more quiet time. I will push myself to be willing to get up earlier (yeah right), or stay up later (more realistic), to spend time connecting with God; spirit to spirit. I will not expect much at the beginning of this new way of life, but it is obtainable, this I believe.
Perhaps this is why I yearn so strongly for quietness in my life. I don't want to drown out God. I do not want to distract my thoughts with t.v.; radio or loud groups of people. Ha! It would be more conducive to my spiritual maturity and interest to sit down with a few people and discuss the words of Jesus or other great spiritual writer and how it can and does impact our personal lives. Not what do the words mean; but how do the words effect us on a human level in our daly lives. I sometimes get so focused on how I want to be a good "Christian" that I forget it is the spirit within, God's spirit that I need to focus on. I love this spiritual quest; it keeps me yearning to know God better and practice his presence more.
Another thing I will strive towards is to use the word "I" less in my blogs!!!! Ok, now back to my classical music and knitting. Two other things that keep me at peace and in God's presence.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
A Meeting with God
Doubting God's word has always been a problem for me. Doubting my faith in what I have learned and heard about my Christian faith and what it should look like from one who is "saved" or more "mature in the faith."has caused me such anxiety and self-doubting. The uncertainty and need to believe what I heard has caused me such confusion and turmoil that I cannot or could not obtain the inner peace I have always searched for. I have had glimpses, this is true, they were always just that, glimpses. The past several weeks I have come to understand that only I can tell myself what truth is. It is from within that God's spirit talks to me. Not "out there" This is not true of everyone perhaps; but for me it is. I know this with absolute conviction.
I have never trusted completely in what my gut tells me, what my instincts tell me and I have paid the price many times over for this. But what is really important here is that until I am ready to be completely willing to live this life the way I believe God intends for me each day, I will never experience true inner peace. I will always be in turmoil, I will always be searching. You cannot live up to what someone else says is truth no matter how convincing. If it is not what the Holy Spirit deep within is telling you, then it will not rest comfortably inside of you. It is only by my own conviction that I will be able to stand up straight and say, "This I believe." without feeling aprehensive or defensive. To be honest about who I am, what I trust in and what I believe is to know freedom. And freedom brings harmony and peace with those around me. I am no longer on defense or offense.
A short while back, when I finally admitted to myself and God that I did not believe in the virgin birth or resurrection with complete certainty, I felt such an overwhelming peace and joy within. The truth was out of the bag. I was no longer afraid because I did not believe everything I was taught or been told was truth. I was able to come clean with others since then about my speculations as to taking the whole Bible literally. Of course, I had to make sure these people knew I meant business so I came out strong let me tell you. But today I realize, that when I am being honest with myself, when I am being truthful to myself and what I believe, I do not need to convince you that I am right. It is when I try to force myself to believe something I just cannot believe that I become doubtful and therefore defensive with others because I need to convince you so you will agree, and then don't you see, I can feel confident in my faith. After all you wouldn't come around to my way of thinking if it weren't true right?
Ok, once again I have jumped off the path. Anyway, it has brought great inner peace to realize just how much my opinion does not matter. Nor is it my duty to push it upon others. And with this awareness, I suddenly realized, what other's opinions are does not matter either, nor should I allow them to push their opinions upon me. That is not God's will for us. What a concept! Talk about knowing the truth and the truth setting me free! The search for truth was finally over. I will continue to learn and grow along spiritual lines, but I will no longer try to believe something I cannot or try to believe something because "it might be true." I will simply believe God is - and therefore he will - guide me on my spiritual path towards a deeper relationship with him.
Anytime I am quiet and reading the gospels or other spritual works, I am always given a message or meaning for my day ahead. Or even an answer to an earlier question. Sometimes God will meet with me through a book, another time through a person and another instance through a vision or sorts. But always, when I am willing to hear his message good or bad, I will know it. Am I willing to respond to the message is the real question. Am I willing to change something in me that is wrong? Am I willing to ask for forgiveness, or more difficult still, am I wlling to forgive another?
Where has my self-confidence and security been coming from? Others. Ironically, I have put more trust in other people and what they believe, than in my own confidence of what I know and I don't even trust people all that much! I have always lacked confidence in my instincts. God has seen fit lately to slowly change this in me. Ok, it could just be menopause I suppose. I guess most women come to themselves in mid-life, but deep down, I know it is the spirit within me that is awakening. And it is that spirit, the spirit of God that I want to nourish and care for. It isn't easy that is for sure. It is never easy to go up against the majority in your little world. Nor is it easy for those around you who are used to you being a certain way, to accept your changes. Especially if it effects them somehow. God makes us stronger and more confident when we are finally ready to truly do his will. Maybe that is where, "To thine own Self be true" came from. After all, if you are not honest with yourself how can you really have peace?
I do not hold to the same beliefs my Christain fellows do. I do not believe the virgin birth happened or that Jesus was dead three days and came to life. I just don't. I have tried to convince myself I did for several years now and have known only inner turmoil and anxiety where my faith is concerned. I could not have a meaningful, trusting relationship with God because I wasn't being honest with myself. Once I finally openly admitted to God what he already knew, I began to change and become more joyful and more bold, (This is when I began to see I didn't have a right to force my opinion on others). Slowly I have begun to open my eyes to all that God has for me to see. I have begun to trust in his love for me and for the Holy Spirit's guidance in my soul. I trust in that more and more. I do believe with all my spiritual being that God sent Jesus to the earth to give us guidance and truth. On the other hand, I also believe God sent other prophets to guide us and give us messages; many are in the Old Testament of the Bible, others are from other religions of the world, Buddha for instance. He was a very spiritual being. So were many Catholic Monks. So who am I to say who God sends and how he sends us His messages and love? Are you really confident enough in yourself to go up against God?
So, now I have this wonderful new relationship with God based on honesty and willingness to hear his will for me. Here is the bad news part.
Once God took hold of me, after I finally got honest with him; things began to change and contiue to change. I am no longer willing or even able to sit down and pretend anymore. I can't even if it were more comfortable to do so. It is like taking someone who has spent the majority of his/her life in a basement of a house with no windows; taking him/her upstairs to the well lit rooms and then saying, now you go back downstairs and forget what you have just seen up here. Would you be able to stay down there and be content? No. You would keep wondering what else is up there in those rooms. And then you would wonder, what is outside those rooms? Outside the house? The same applies to what happened to me. I was given the awesome freedom of being truthful where I stood spiritually and there was no confusion or fear regarding salvation. Just a sense of peace and joy. It was ok to be the woman God created all along. Oh yeah, I was talking about the bad news.
I now realize that once I have begun this honest relationship with God that I am slowly changing. I am becoming more confident and honest each day. This can make those close to me uncomfortable. They are not used to me saying "no", or "I don't agree." or worse yet, "I am going with my gut on this one." Even more disturbing to them is that I am becoming quieter, they are always asking, "are you ok?". The most difficult part of this new awakening is knowing that by being truthful to where or what God is leading me to can cause others to be disappointed or hurt. Something I do not ever want to get comfortable doing. But I know there will be times when I will have to put God's will ahead of a friends, or co-workers or yes, even my husband's will for me.
God is teaching me the importance of "being quick to listen, and slow to speak". If I am quick to listen, I will hear what God wants me to hear. If I am slow to speak, I am more apt to hear God say, "Cathie, you really don't need to say that, they really don't need your opinion right now." And even though I disagree at times, when I listen to that inner voice, I almost always hear a message. Good or bad, I get a message. And that message can come through any type of meeting with God.
The meeting with God can be in a passage of a book I am reading, or in a group I am with and even through a vision of sorts. Being a visual person, God sometimes will show me something in my thoughts. And I will actually watch the message being played out. I will share a few on this blog in the future. For now I just want to say, I am back with a vengeance. I am excited to start sharing experiences and messages I receive from my morning readings or life's experiences.
Blessings
I have never trusted completely in what my gut tells me, what my instincts tell me and I have paid the price many times over for this. But what is really important here is that until I am ready to be completely willing to live this life the way I believe God intends for me each day, I will never experience true inner peace. I will always be in turmoil, I will always be searching. You cannot live up to what someone else says is truth no matter how convincing. If it is not what the Holy Spirit deep within is telling you, then it will not rest comfortably inside of you. It is only by my own conviction that I will be able to stand up straight and say, "This I believe." without feeling aprehensive or defensive. To be honest about who I am, what I trust in and what I believe is to know freedom. And freedom brings harmony and peace with those around me. I am no longer on defense or offense.
A short while back, when I finally admitted to myself and God that I did not believe in the virgin birth or resurrection with complete certainty, I felt such an overwhelming peace and joy within. The truth was out of the bag. I was no longer afraid because I did not believe everything I was taught or been told was truth. I was able to come clean with others since then about my speculations as to taking the whole Bible literally. Of course, I had to make sure these people knew I meant business so I came out strong let me tell you. But today I realize, that when I am being honest with myself, when I am being truthful to myself and what I believe, I do not need to convince you that I am right. It is when I try to force myself to believe something I just cannot believe that I become doubtful and therefore defensive with others because I need to convince you so you will agree, and then don't you see, I can feel confident in my faith. After all you wouldn't come around to my way of thinking if it weren't true right?
Ok, once again I have jumped off the path. Anyway, it has brought great inner peace to realize just how much my opinion does not matter. Nor is it my duty to push it upon others. And with this awareness, I suddenly realized, what other's opinions are does not matter either, nor should I allow them to push their opinions upon me. That is not God's will for us. What a concept! Talk about knowing the truth and the truth setting me free! The search for truth was finally over. I will continue to learn and grow along spiritual lines, but I will no longer try to believe something I cannot or try to believe something because "it might be true." I will simply believe God is - and therefore he will - guide me on my spiritual path towards a deeper relationship with him.
Anytime I am quiet and reading the gospels or other spritual works, I am always given a message or meaning for my day ahead. Or even an answer to an earlier question. Sometimes God will meet with me through a book, another time through a person and another instance through a vision or sorts. But always, when I am willing to hear his message good or bad, I will know it. Am I willing to respond to the message is the real question. Am I willing to change something in me that is wrong? Am I willing to ask for forgiveness, or more difficult still, am I wlling to forgive another?
Where has my self-confidence and security been coming from? Others. Ironically, I have put more trust in other people and what they believe, than in my own confidence of what I know and I don't even trust people all that much! I have always lacked confidence in my instincts. God has seen fit lately to slowly change this in me. Ok, it could just be menopause I suppose. I guess most women come to themselves in mid-life, but deep down, I know it is the spirit within me that is awakening. And it is that spirit, the spirit of God that I want to nourish and care for. It isn't easy that is for sure. It is never easy to go up against the majority in your little world. Nor is it easy for those around you who are used to you being a certain way, to accept your changes. Especially if it effects them somehow. God makes us stronger and more confident when we are finally ready to truly do his will. Maybe that is where, "To thine own Self be true" came from. After all, if you are not honest with yourself how can you really have peace?
I do not hold to the same beliefs my Christain fellows do. I do not believe the virgin birth happened or that Jesus was dead three days and came to life. I just don't. I have tried to convince myself I did for several years now and have known only inner turmoil and anxiety where my faith is concerned. I could not have a meaningful, trusting relationship with God because I wasn't being honest with myself. Once I finally openly admitted to God what he already knew, I began to change and become more joyful and more bold, (This is when I began to see I didn't have a right to force my opinion on others). Slowly I have begun to open my eyes to all that God has for me to see. I have begun to trust in his love for me and for the Holy Spirit's guidance in my soul. I trust in that more and more. I do believe with all my spiritual being that God sent Jesus to the earth to give us guidance and truth. On the other hand, I also believe God sent other prophets to guide us and give us messages; many are in the Old Testament of the Bible, others are from other religions of the world, Buddha for instance. He was a very spiritual being. So were many Catholic Monks. So who am I to say who God sends and how he sends us His messages and love? Are you really confident enough in yourself to go up against God?
So, now I have this wonderful new relationship with God based on honesty and willingness to hear his will for me. Here is the bad news part.
Once God took hold of me, after I finally got honest with him; things began to change and contiue to change. I am no longer willing or even able to sit down and pretend anymore. I can't even if it were more comfortable to do so. It is like taking someone who has spent the majority of his/her life in a basement of a house with no windows; taking him/her upstairs to the well lit rooms and then saying, now you go back downstairs and forget what you have just seen up here. Would you be able to stay down there and be content? No. You would keep wondering what else is up there in those rooms. And then you would wonder, what is outside those rooms? Outside the house? The same applies to what happened to me. I was given the awesome freedom of being truthful where I stood spiritually and there was no confusion or fear regarding salvation. Just a sense of peace and joy. It was ok to be the woman God created all along. Oh yeah, I was talking about the bad news.
I now realize that once I have begun this honest relationship with God that I am slowly changing. I am becoming more confident and honest each day. This can make those close to me uncomfortable. They are not used to me saying "no", or "I don't agree." or worse yet, "I am going with my gut on this one." Even more disturbing to them is that I am becoming quieter, they are always asking, "are you ok?". The most difficult part of this new awakening is knowing that by being truthful to where or what God is leading me to can cause others to be disappointed or hurt. Something I do not ever want to get comfortable doing. But I know there will be times when I will have to put God's will ahead of a friends, or co-workers or yes, even my husband's will for me.
God is teaching me the importance of "being quick to listen, and slow to speak". If I am quick to listen, I will hear what God wants me to hear. If I am slow to speak, I am more apt to hear God say, "Cathie, you really don't need to say that, they really don't need your opinion right now." And even though I disagree at times, when I listen to that inner voice, I almost always hear a message. Good or bad, I get a message. And that message can come through any type of meeting with God.
The meeting with God can be in a passage of a book I am reading, or in a group I am with and even through a vision of sorts. Being a visual person, God sometimes will show me something in my thoughts. And I will actually watch the message being played out. I will share a few on this blog in the future. For now I just want to say, I am back with a vengeance. I am excited to start sharing experiences and messages I receive from my morning readings or life's experiences.
Blessings
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wallop!!
God disciplines those he loves, and he sure does love me, let me tell you! I received a good wallop from the Lord this week. He tried speaking to me; warning me, but I did not listen. Instead I continued to judge and complain about life around me. My focus was taken off God and onto Cathie. Where God tried to show me what he wanted from me; I took it as him wanting to show it to others. To share with fellow Christians how "we" were not living Christ-like. After all, if I was being filled with such passion and conviction regarding this matter, how could it not be God's will that I share it with those around me. Didn't they need to hear it? Wasn't my opinion more important than their feelings? God's messge cannot be limited by how others might feel. Right? Warning #1.
As Christians, we have an obligation to live our lives as Christ lived his. To stand up for Jesus and what he taught no matter who we are with, or what situation we are in. It is our responsibilities as Christians to look different from what the world says we ought to look. So if God is giving me this message in a passionate, strong manner in my spirit, then he must want me to convict others, yes? Warning # 2.
You see, for a few weeks I thought I was Moses!! What I failed to remember was that Mose's did not have the gift to speak God's message to the people; he needed someone more able and gifted with speech so others could the warnings and encouragement of God without taking it for granted or with offence. In a manner they would listen to and hear. All my words were doing was causing others to be uncomfortable and perhaps even a little angry with me. Feeling judged. But did not those who heard the Apostles words take offense? Didn't they get angry? And yet they continued to speak the truth. So who is to say God was not putting these things on my heart to warn those around me? Warning # 3. And we all know, three strikes and
Wallop!!
My faith journey goes through periods where doubts overwhelm me. No matter how hard I try to make a piece of the puzzle fit, it will not go in. The negatives of this world, stresses on the job and just plain self-righteousness take control of my emotions. When allowed, these negative infiltrations consume me to the point of no return. I am driven into an open field of powerlessness and for a time satan takes me for a ride in his plow of despair and judgement. He feeds on my insecurities and fears until I can only see what is wrong in the Christian world and I am blinded from the good. I question every motive behind an act. No one is doing what Cathie believes they should be doing in their walk with Christ. I become a Christian sister with a worldly heart. And I pay the price. Sometimes I even hurt others, those I love the most because I think I am sharing God's truth, when in reality I am sharing what is my truth. God is speaking to me about what needs to be changed in me; not others. No matter how strong the conviction, it is not my responsibility to judge those around me. It is only my responsibility to warn them or speak to them one on one in love. And so far, I have not been placed in that position.
God is so gracious. He allows me to flounder in my self-righteousness and arrogance for just so long; and then, Wallop, I am hit so hard with humility and truth I cannot ignor it. It may come in the form of the scriptures or it may come through the words of a brother or sister in Christ. ( I prefer the first way), I guess Jesus thought I needed a whacking this time becaue I was hit in both ways. I didn't listen to the first when reading the word and hearing my sinfulness, so he sent it in the form of a fellow brother. Man did that hurt!
God is so mericful and gracious however, that today I was able to sit back and rejoice in the truth of who I have become. Though just a few nights ago I was not rejoicing. I was crying my eyes out to my heavenly father, asking for his forgiveness and the ability to make amends where needed. God in his mercy and love showed me just how self-righteous and opinionated I was becoming in my faith walk, how it was causing me to judge Christianity once again. Satan was returning full force with his armor of fear and doubt and I was not ready. My eyes had fallen off God and onto the world and people around me.
Although I continue to believe we are all accountable as believers in Christ to try to live differently than the world or as we did prior to knowing Christ, it is not up to me to judge how others are living or what they are doing in their relationships with Christ. What arrogance to believe I had this power!
At work I am constantly reminded that not all people who profess to believe in Jesus are not always the most loving and kind people. This truth causes disapointment and embarassment. It causes me to take my focus off those who do live lives full of love and concern for others and onto those who do not. My expectations of fellow Christians and myself are too high. They are not humanly possible for anyone to live up to. And although there are believers who live solely on the merits of grace who do not to do what is right, it is not my place to judge them. I must remember always that God is the ultimate judge, not Cathie. God is where my focus needs to be, not on me and those around me. This can be very difficult when life around me is full of anger and greed. When I do not understand the things of God or this world. But it must be remembered that it is not up to me to understand all things. Satan wants me to trouble over why things happen to some and not others. He wants me to doubt eternity and my faith. He does not want to know in my heart that God is God. He is who He says he is. All Powerful and Knowing. That is all I need to know sometimes.
I have been so busy looking at my faults and weaknesses (and therefore the fault and weaknesses of others), that I failed to see the wonderful, forgiven woman God has created in me today. When I allow satan room to wander in my mind, I allow fears and character defects to sprout. Weeds of anger and confusion grow where my Lord had planted flowers of love and peace. Twigs made of fear and insecurities are standing where trees of strength and courage were meant to be. All because I took my focus off of God and who He is.
My confidence was being placed in the hands of human beings when it should have been placed in the hands of God. I had forgotten to look beyond this world and its insanity and greed.
I do not know for certain how this crept up; this sense of self-righteousness and terror. Perhaps it was when things began to get out of control in my work environment. Perhaps it is this wonderful blessing called menopause, (yes, you can pray for my husband now), I don't really know. All I do know is inspite of what I may believe or think during these times of insanity, God is constant and in control. I only have to surrender my will and my life once again into his care; and as he did over and over again in the Old Testament, he does with me today, he forgives and walks with me each moment I allow His presence to dwell upon me.
The last couple days I am seeing in the scriptures the wonderful things God has for me. His wonderful encouragement and strength in the word of God. How I have missed these times and look forward with excitement and anticipation as I begin to share with you, whoever you might be, the blessings and lessons God brings to my attention. God has messages for each of us. And they are different for each of us. All we can do is share what He shows us with one another and let him decide who needs to hear it.
I do not have the answers for how other Christians should live. Only how I ought to live. I do not have the gift of seeing into other's hearts and minds; therefore I cannot possibly know what they are doing or why. Of late I have forgotten this truth and fallen into the sin of judgement. This is something I do whenever I find wrong doing in myself. I want to hide it by sharing this sin. Making it about you instead of me. Isn't that an unselfish thing to do, wouldn't you agree? Wallop. I get so passionate about what God is trying to tell "Cathie", that I think he means it for everyone. Then of course, it becomes my duty to share my opinion or "message" with others. Wallop.
What has transpired through all this is the real truth. God tells each of us what he wants us to know. He does not tell me how to judge the actions or lack of actions in my brother and sister's in Christ. When I am filled with a passion or insight that is so overwhelming that it consumes me; I must remember this is a message for me and me alone; it is not a prophesy for others! I do not have that gift. My gift is one of encouragement; one of prayer. So when I try to use a gift that is not mine, I end up destroying relationships with others. I pull them down with my insanity and judgement instead of building them up. Where God intended encourgement from me, I discouraged, where God desired prayer I doubted instead of using it to get through the turmoils of the situation that had come upon me. And the biggest sin of all is that I hurt the very ones I have come to love and hold most dear to me. They would have listened and guided me through the situation had I only shared it. Instead I ran to the old self of fear and doubts that say, "I will get through this, no need to bother others. or I shouldn't let them see my weakness lest they doubt God's spirit in me." Even the disciple's who where with Jesus in person had their moments of fear and doubt, yet I am too strong for that. Wallop.
My focus has been on those who drag me down instead of those whose lives reflect the mind and heart of Christ. For a short period of time, satan was once again given room in my heart to prowl. But because I am filled with the spirit of Christ, the Holy Spirit;because I continued to read the scriptures on a daily basis and share my frustrations and doubts with God throughout the day, I believe the armor of God beat the armor of satan. Truth overcame doubt and the light overcame the darakness. Praise Almighty God.
Today I can thank my heavenly Father for loving me enough to convict me. For without conviction there is no repentance, where there is no repentance there is no forgiveness, and where there is no forgiveness there is no hope. Today I am living in hope. Hope that gets me up in the morning and through the day ahead. This hope tells me it will be ok. Maybe not today, but eventually, it will all be ok. For eternity it will be just fine. So for now, I will bask in his love and strength and go back to encouraging and praying for my wonderful family in Christ. May God continue to remind me of those who have loved me when I was unloveable, and encouraged me when I was discouraged. This too gives me hope that I am never alone in life's battles unless I choose to be.
Did you notice? God wallops me because I need it. Then, he tenderly wrapps me in his arms and lovingly heals the sore spot. The wallop isn't so painful anymore. Man, I just love when God showers me with his love. When I empy myself of fear, anger and judgement and just let his spirit fill me up. I cannot help but smile I write this. I am over-joyed with being back in the "spirit" of things.
As Christians, we have an obligation to live our lives as Christ lived his. To stand up for Jesus and what he taught no matter who we are with, or what situation we are in. It is our responsibilities as Christians to look different from what the world says we ought to look. So if God is giving me this message in a passionate, strong manner in my spirit, then he must want me to convict others, yes? Warning # 2.
You see, for a few weeks I thought I was Moses!! What I failed to remember was that Mose's did not have the gift to speak God's message to the people; he needed someone more able and gifted with speech so others could the warnings and encouragement of God without taking it for granted or with offence. In a manner they would listen to and hear. All my words were doing was causing others to be uncomfortable and perhaps even a little angry with me. Feeling judged. But did not those who heard the Apostles words take offense? Didn't they get angry? And yet they continued to speak the truth. So who is to say God was not putting these things on my heart to warn those around me? Warning # 3. And we all know, three strikes and
Wallop!!
My faith journey goes through periods where doubts overwhelm me. No matter how hard I try to make a piece of the puzzle fit, it will not go in. The negatives of this world, stresses on the job and just plain self-righteousness take control of my emotions. When allowed, these negative infiltrations consume me to the point of no return. I am driven into an open field of powerlessness and for a time satan takes me for a ride in his plow of despair and judgement. He feeds on my insecurities and fears until I can only see what is wrong in the Christian world and I am blinded from the good. I question every motive behind an act. No one is doing what Cathie believes they should be doing in their walk with Christ. I become a Christian sister with a worldly heart. And I pay the price. Sometimes I even hurt others, those I love the most because I think I am sharing God's truth, when in reality I am sharing what is my truth. God is speaking to me about what needs to be changed in me; not others. No matter how strong the conviction, it is not my responsibility to judge those around me. It is only my responsibility to warn them or speak to them one on one in love. And so far, I have not been placed in that position.
God is so gracious. He allows me to flounder in my self-righteousness and arrogance for just so long; and then, Wallop, I am hit so hard with humility and truth I cannot ignor it. It may come in the form of the scriptures or it may come through the words of a brother or sister in Christ. ( I prefer the first way), I guess Jesus thought I needed a whacking this time becaue I was hit in both ways. I didn't listen to the first when reading the word and hearing my sinfulness, so he sent it in the form of a fellow brother. Man did that hurt!
God is so mericful and gracious however, that today I was able to sit back and rejoice in the truth of who I have become. Though just a few nights ago I was not rejoicing. I was crying my eyes out to my heavenly father, asking for his forgiveness and the ability to make amends where needed. God in his mercy and love showed me just how self-righteous and opinionated I was becoming in my faith walk, how it was causing me to judge Christianity once again. Satan was returning full force with his armor of fear and doubt and I was not ready. My eyes had fallen off God and onto the world and people around me.
Although I continue to believe we are all accountable as believers in Christ to try to live differently than the world or as we did prior to knowing Christ, it is not up to me to judge how others are living or what they are doing in their relationships with Christ. What arrogance to believe I had this power!
At work I am constantly reminded that not all people who profess to believe in Jesus are not always the most loving and kind people. This truth causes disapointment and embarassment. It causes me to take my focus off those who do live lives full of love and concern for others and onto those who do not. My expectations of fellow Christians and myself are too high. They are not humanly possible for anyone to live up to. And although there are believers who live solely on the merits of grace who do not to do what is right, it is not my place to judge them. I must remember always that God is the ultimate judge, not Cathie. God is where my focus needs to be, not on me and those around me. This can be very difficult when life around me is full of anger and greed. When I do not understand the things of God or this world. But it must be remembered that it is not up to me to understand all things. Satan wants me to trouble over why things happen to some and not others. He wants me to doubt eternity and my faith. He does not want to know in my heart that God is God. He is who He says he is. All Powerful and Knowing. That is all I need to know sometimes.
I have been so busy looking at my faults and weaknesses (and therefore the fault and weaknesses of others), that I failed to see the wonderful, forgiven woman God has created in me today. When I allow satan room to wander in my mind, I allow fears and character defects to sprout. Weeds of anger and confusion grow where my Lord had planted flowers of love and peace. Twigs made of fear and insecurities are standing where trees of strength and courage were meant to be. All because I took my focus off of God and who He is.
My confidence was being placed in the hands of human beings when it should have been placed in the hands of God. I had forgotten to look beyond this world and its insanity and greed.
I do not know for certain how this crept up; this sense of self-righteousness and terror. Perhaps it was when things began to get out of control in my work environment. Perhaps it is this wonderful blessing called menopause, (yes, you can pray for my husband now), I don't really know. All I do know is inspite of what I may believe or think during these times of insanity, God is constant and in control. I only have to surrender my will and my life once again into his care; and as he did over and over again in the Old Testament, he does with me today, he forgives and walks with me each moment I allow His presence to dwell upon me.
The last couple days I am seeing in the scriptures the wonderful things God has for me. His wonderful encouragement and strength in the word of God. How I have missed these times and look forward with excitement and anticipation as I begin to share with you, whoever you might be, the blessings and lessons God brings to my attention. God has messages for each of us. And they are different for each of us. All we can do is share what He shows us with one another and let him decide who needs to hear it.
I do not have the answers for how other Christians should live. Only how I ought to live. I do not have the gift of seeing into other's hearts and minds; therefore I cannot possibly know what they are doing or why. Of late I have forgotten this truth and fallen into the sin of judgement. This is something I do whenever I find wrong doing in myself. I want to hide it by sharing this sin. Making it about you instead of me. Isn't that an unselfish thing to do, wouldn't you agree? Wallop. I get so passionate about what God is trying to tell "Cathie", that I think he means it for everyone. Then of course, it becomes my duty to share my opinion or "message" with others. Wallop.
What has transpired through all this is the real truth. God tells each of us what he wants us to know. He does not tell me how to judge the actions or lack of actions in my brother and sister's in Christ. When I am filled with a passion or insight that is so overwhelming that it consumes me; I must remember this is a message for me and me alone; it is not a prophesy for others! I do not have that gift. My gift is one of encouragement; one of prayer. So when I try to use a gift that is not mine, I end up destroying relationships with others. I pull them down with my insanity and judgement instead of building them up. Where God intended encourgement from me, I discouraged, where God desired prayer I doubted instead of using it to get through the turmoils of the situation that had come upon me. And the biggest sin of all is that I hurt the very ones I have come to love and hold most dear to me. They would have listened and guided me through the situation had I only shared it. Instead I ran to the old self of fear and doubts that say, "I will get through this, no need to bother others. or I shouldn't let them see my weakness lest they doubt God's spirit in me." Even the disciple's who where with Jesus in person had their moments of fear and doubt, yet I am too strong for that. Wallop.
My focus has been on those who drag me down instead of those whose lives reflect the mind and heart of Christ. For a short period of time, satan was once again given room in my heart to prowl. But because I am filled with the spirit of Christ, the Holy Spirit;because I continued to read the scriptures on a daily basis and share my frustrations and doubts with God throughout the day, I believe the armor of God beat the armor of satan. Truth overcame doubt and the light overcame the darakness. Praise Almighty God.
Today I can thank my heavenly Father for loving me enough to convict me. For without conviction there is no repentance, where there is no repentance there is no forgiveness, and where there is no forgiveness there is no hope. Today I am living in hope. Hope that gets me up in the morning and through the day ahead. This hope tells me it will be ok. Maybe not today, but eventually, it will all be ok. For eternity it will be just fine. So for now, I will bask in his love and strength and go back to encouraging and praying for my wonderful family in Christ. May God continue to remind me of those who have loved me when I was unloveable, and encouraged me when I was discouraged. This too gives me hope that I am never alone in life's battles unless I choose to be.
Did you notice? God wallops me because I need it. Then, he tenderly wrapps me in his arms and lovingly heals the sore spot. The wallop isn't so painful anymore. Man, I just love when God showers me with his love. When I empy myself of fear, anger and judgement and just let his spirit fill me up. I cannot help but smile I write this. I am over-joyed with being back in the "spirit" of things.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Does God answer prayers? I think Not.
With all that is going on the world and has for centuries I cannot help but wonder about this whole answered prayer vs God's will. We praise God and give him credit when things go the way we had hoped, what we had prayed for. On the other hand; when a prayer goes unanswered or something horrible happens, we say, we have "free will" or "it must have been God's will." Really people?
So if a child is saved from abuse and we say God loved her and answered her prayers; are we saying God didn't love the abused child who was not saved? Or maybe he/she just wasn't God's "Favorite" at the time. When horrible crimes are committed by gangs and pirates, it is because of "free will" the bad guys "will" wins over the believer's will. Makes sense to me.
So, the truth is we really don't know isn't it? You see, I think it is life. Period. Life has good and bad. You have good people in the world and you have bad. There are some who have no conscious, and others who do. Life happens. We cannot control it. Nor do I believe prayer is the answer. I do however believe God is there is give us strength and endurance through these troubling times in our lives; we can know we are not alone to face the hardships. God can do that; God will send the right people at the right time for each situation. Can He answer prayer? Sure. Does He? Not so sure. I tend to continue to believe Life Happens and God gets us through it.
I don't really believe God cares about our earthly situations. Hold on before you blow a casket now; I just think he placed us here in the beginning for one purpose and we decided to use it for another purpose. We decided and continue to decide on a daily basis we don't need him. We can handle this thing called "Life" on our own. When we are in a jam and at the end of our rope, when we just don't know what to do, then and only then we will throw up our hands and surrender to God. And if he answers our prayer he is a kind and merciful God, and if he doesn't, oh well it just wasn't His will right now. The more I ponder on these things the more I come to believe that life is life. We are at each other's mercy and the mercy of our physical bodies. And God is not interested in whether or not we live or die, suffer or don't suffer. That is not his concern. Have I got your attention now?
God created us to be spiritual beings. To live on this earth to serve him and take care of the earth and its inhabitants. And what a fine job we are doing. We live for ourselves and what we can get out of life. Yes, we support missionaries and ministries. We go "out there" and serve the less unfortunates. But at what cost to ourselves? Do we really take our comfort and put it at anothers feet? Are we willing to give up our homes to give to the poor? Are we even willing to open an extra room who has no home? No. 90% of us cannot say we are. And we have many good reasons. Or if we look honestly, are they excuses? Again, do we really want to invite a stranger into our home and live with them? Aren't we comfortable having the house to ourselves, with our own families? Is that why we have homeless people; poor families wondering why they can't get food on the table for their kids? I'm just saying, as "Christians" are we doing ALL we can do to be like Christ; to serve God? I am ashamed to say I know I don't. And I will continue to do more each day and make myself uncomfortable just a little.
So if a child is saved from abuse and we say God loved her and answered her prayers; are we saying God didn't love the abused child who was not saved? Or maybe he/she just wasn't God's "Favorite" at the time. When horrible crimes are committed by gangs and pirates, it is because of "free will" the bad guys "will" wins over the believer's will. Makes sense to me.
So, the truth is we really don't know isn't it? You see, I think it is life. Period. Life has good and bad. You have good people in the world and you have bad. There are some who have no conscious, and others who do. Life happens. We cannot control it. Nor do I believe prayer is the answer. I do however believe God is there is give us strength and endurance through these troubling times in our lives; we can know we are not alone to face the hardships. God can do that; God will send the right people at the right time for each situation. Can He answer prayer? Sure. Does He? Not so sure. I tend to continue to believe Life Happens and God gets us through it.
I don't really believe God cares about our earthly situations. Hold on before you blow a casket now; I just think he placed us here in the beginning for one purpose and we decided to use it for another purpose. We decided and continue to decide on a daily basis we don't need him. We can handle this thing called "Life" on our own. When we are in a jam and at the end of our rope, when we just don't know what to do, then and only then we will throw up our hands and surrender to God. And if he answers our prayer he is a kind and merciful God, and if he doesn't, oh well it just wasn't His will right now. The more I ponder on these things the more I come to believe that life is life. We are at each other's mercy and the mercy of our physical bodies. And God is not interested in whether or not we live or die, suffer or don't suffer. That is not his concern. Have I got your attention now?
God created us to be spiritual beings. To live on this earth to serve him and take care of the earth and its inhabitants. And what a fine job we are doing. We live for ourselves and what we can get out of life. Yes, we support missionaries and ministries. We go "out there" and serve the less unfortunates. But at what cost to ourselves? Do we really take our comfort and put it at anothers feet? Are we willing to give up our homes to give to the poor? Are we even willing to open an extra room who has no home? No. 90% of us cannot say we are. And we have many good reasons. Or if we look honestly, are they excuses? Again, do we really want to invite a stranger into our home and live with them? Aren't we comfortable having the house to ourselves, with our own families? Is that why we have homeless people; poor families wondering why they can't get food on the table for their kids? I'm just saying, as "Christians" are we doing ALL we can do to be like Christ; to serve God? I am ashamed to say I know I don't. And I will continue to do more each day and make myself uncomfortable just a little.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Living God's will in My Own Way
In this mornings reading I came to the passage in Luke 11: 35, where it says, "See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness." When I read that verse I was suddenly struck with the thought; "Am I walking in the light when I react to situations around me in a "worldly" manner? How hard am I actually trying to live differently?
When I am frustrated or angry with a co-worker or neighbor for instance and I show my anger, am I not reacting in a worldly manner? Of course I know the answer. And if I shun someone because I dislike them or they offended me somehow, then am I not living as the world lives and not being any different than anyone else in this world of darkness? Again I know the answer. I just hope you don't. And to my shagrin, there are times when I like living in the world, as part of the world. It is so much easier! It doesn't take courage or strength; it doesn't cause me discomfort or being treated as an outcast. To live by our world's expectations is so much easier because not too much is expected of me as compared to God's expectations of me.
When I read this passage above, I was made aware of just how much I live in sin on a daily basis. How little effort some days, I put into living as a true servant of Jesus. On the outside I do not look any different than my non-believing friends or co-workers. And lets face it, no matter how spiritual I may feel on the inside, those around me see the outside. No matter how good my intentions, others see my actions.
The cause for my sinful actions is that I am "reacting" to worldly turmoil and stress, and not "Acting" by the fruits of the spirit. It is so much easier to be controlled by pride, fear and self-pity than to do the next right thing. Although God continues to convict me on a daily basis, the human part of me continues to choose the easier, softer path on a daily, living according to worldly expectations and not according to God's Will.
You see, if I do not like a co-worker or feel she is not pulling her weight, I shun her. And when I do have to speak to her ( or him) I will make sure it is in a tone that lets her know I dislike her. After all, my pride says she needs to be put in her place and it is my responsibility to let her know. This is called passive-aggressive behavior I believe. A fancy way of saying, immature behavior.
Or take my husband for instance. God tells me to be loving and submissive, (treat him with respect as the man of the house). I say, "why do I have to do all the changing?" Another form of self-pity. Looking at "all" I do and not taking into account all he does. (Even though I do more of course). And yet, everytime I react in anger, self-pity and revenge, I add another "spike into the cross". I do not show others around me or my husband who God really is. Loving, forgiving, patient and kind. To name just a few of His wonderful attributes.
So how do I rid myself of this sin called pride? How do I relieve myself from Satan's clutches? It is only through prayer and admitting to my fellow Christian brother and sister's of this weakness. However, Repentance isn't merely saying, I am sorry. True repentance is the willingness to say I sinned, please forgive me and then not repeating the behavior. But I don't want to admit I was wrong!! Why do I have to say I am sorry when he/she "started it." How pathetic and immature I continue to be. And I hate this in myself.
For a few days I can be living as Christ showed me how to live. To conduct myself in a manner worthy of calling myself a Believer in Christ. A Christian. Then, WHAM, my evil human side comes to the service and I am once again this angry, self-pitying being that I have come to loathe. I can only be grateful to God for sending his wonderful son to give me hope that I will not always be this way. (Right God?) In the meantime, I will continue reading and being convicted. I will continue to practice living by the spirit and not reacting to the world around me. And most important of all, I will continue each morning to pray for God's strength and power to be in my life for the upcoming hours. Sad thing is, he answers my prayers and then I choose to ignor his message because I don't like it.
At these moments of conviction I am forced to ask myself, "Just how hard am I trying to live differently?
There is a big difference between living in sin due to weakness and living in sin intentionally. I just don't want to admit which one I live by on some days. When I am willing to see the truth to this question I have to be honest and shamefully say, "I want to live according to God's will but in my own way.
When I am frustrated or angry with a co-worker or neighbor for instance and I show my anger, am I not reacting in a worldly manner? Of course I know the answer. And if I shun someone because I dislike them or they offended me somehow, then am I not living as the world lives and not being any different than anyone else in this world of darkness? Again I know the answer. I just hope you don't. And to my shagrin, there are times when I like living in the world, as part of the world. It is so much easier! It doesn't take courage or strength; it doesn't cause me discomfort or being treated as an outcast. To live by our world's expectations is so much easier because not too much is expected of me as compared to God's expectations of me.
When I read this passage above, I was made aware of just how much I live in sin on a daily basis. How little effort some days, I put into living as a true servant of Jesus. On the outside I do not look any different than my non-believing friends or co-workers. And lets face it, no matter how spiritual I may feel on the inside, those around me see the outside. No matter how good my intentions, others see my actions.
The cause for my sinful actions is that I am "reacting" to worldly turmoil and stress, and not "Acting" by the fruits of the spirit. It is so much easier to be controlled by pride, fear and self-pity than to do the next right thing. Although God continues to convict me on a daily basis, the human part of me continues to choose the easier, softer path on a daily, living according to worldly expectations and not according to God's Will.
You see, if I do not like a co-worker or feel she is not pulling her weight, I shun her. And when I do have to speak to her ( or him) I will make sure it is in a tone that lets her know I dislike her. After all, my pride says she needs to be put in her place and it is my responsibility to let her know. This is called passive-aggressive behavior I believe. A fancy way of saying, immature behavior.
Or take my husband for instance. God tells me to be loving and submissive, (treat him with respect as the man of the house). I say, "why do I have to do all the changing?" Another form of self-pity. Looking at "all" I do and not taking into account all he does. (Even though I do more of course). And yet, everytime I react in anger, self-pity and revenge, I add another "spike into the cross". I do not show others around me or my husband who God really is. Loving, forgiving, patient and kind. To name just a few of His wonderful attributes.
So how do I rid myself of this sin called pride? How do I relieve myself from Satan's clutches? It is only through prayer and admitting to my fellow Christian brother and sister's of this weakness. However, Repentance isn't merely saying, I am sorry. True repentance is the willingness to say I sinned, please forgive me and then not repeating the behavior. But I don't want to admit I was wrong!! Why do I have to say I am sorry when he/she "started it." How pathetic and immature I continue to be. And I hate this in myself.
For a few days I can be living as Christ showed me how to live. To conduct myself in a manner worthy of calling myself a Believer in Christ. A Christian. Then, WHAM, my evil human side comes to the service and I am once again this angry, self-pitying being that I have come to loathe. I can only be grateful to God for sending his wonderful son to give me hope that I will not always be this way. (Right God?) In the meantime, I will continue reading and being convicted. I will continue to practice living by the spirit and not reacting to the world around me. And most important of all, I will continue each morning to pray for God's strength and power to be in my life for the upcoming hours. Sad thing is, he answers my prayers and then I choose to ignor his message because I don't like it.
At these moments of conviction I am forced to ask myself, "Just how hard am I trying to live differently?
There is a big difference between living in sin due to weakness and living in sin intentionally. I just don't want to admit which one I live by on some days. When I am willing to see the truth to this question I have to be honest and shamefully say, "I want to live according to God's will but in my own way.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Church is like a Box of Chocolates
This morning Iwas thinking about the conversation I had with my nephew last night. It was exciting and I found his strong faith in Jesus and the scriptures very contageous. What was it that caused my spirit to ignite with excitement? It wasn't interest in his church or belief. It was his love for our Lord. He was so on fire about the importance of knowing and having Jesus in our daily lives and I agreed with him. It was so fantastic sharing the faith and belief in the bible with another Christian. Now, he would say, "Aunt Cathie it is the Holy Ghost speaking to you." And perhaps he would be correct. I have had messages given to me in many different ways. All I know is that I felt his excitement for Jesus and was enjoying it tremendously. I was even ready to go visit the church denomination he belonged to! I wanted to be around other believers who were as excited and as strong as he was in his faith, in his love for Jesus and what he did for me.
Then, on the way to work I was struck with an awesome realization. It is not so much the church I attend that fills me up with excitement and encouragement, it is talking and sharing about Jesus with a fellow believer. Any believer, no matter their denominational belief. So it isn't the church denomination that catches my interest, it is the enthusiasm.
This got me thinking some more. And then it hit me, "Church is Like a Box of Chocolates." So many denominations with so many different beliefs. You just don't know what you are going to hear. Sometimes like last night, it is contageous and uplifting, other times it is dull or judgemental. But it is still part of the same box. You may not like what you get inside, but it doesn't change the fact that it is still in the same box. Jesus is the wrapping around that box, the church I see the box as the church, Jesus' church, and the different kinds of chocolates are us, the different denominations,believers. All different kinds, but all still God's children. What an image.
When and if we can accept one another not for the denomination or church we belong to, but because we believe and hope in the same God; what a movement we could start up in this world! It would be like opening up a box of chocolates and just accepting that there will be some we don't like or agree with, and others we will absolutely love and agree with; but either way, they all belong in that one box. And only the one who has given us the wonderful, delicious box of chocolates can decide and judge who will be with Him in eternity. Like the chocolates, we can only guess what is on the other side. Heaven or Hell. Cream filled or Carmel. All we have to do is open the box and take a bite!!
Then, on the way to work I was struck with an awesome realization. It is not so much the church I attend that fills me up with excitement and encouragement, it is talking and sharing about Jesus with a fellow believer. Any believer, no matter their denominational belief. So it isn't the church denomination that catches my interest, it is the enthusiasm.
This got me thinking some more. And then it hit me, "Church is Like a Box of Chocolates." So many denominations with so many different beliefs. You just don't know what you are going to hear. Sometimes like last night, it is contageous and uplifting, other times it is dull or judgemental. But it is still part of the same box. You may not like what you get inside, but it doesn't change the fact that it is still in the same box. Jesus is the wrapping around that box, the church I see the box as the church, Jesus' church, and the different kinds of chocolates are us, the different denominations,believers. All different kinds, but all still God's children. What an image.
When and if we can accept one another not for the denomination or church we belong to, but because we believe and hope in the same God; what a movement we could start up in this world! It would be like opening up a box of chocolates and just accepting that there will be some we don't like or agree with, and others we will absolutely love and agree with; but either way, they all belong in that one box. And only the one who has given us the wonderful, delicious box of chocolates can decide and judge who will be with Him in eternity. Like the chocolates, we can only guess what is on the other side. Heaven or Hell. Cream filled or Carmel. All we have to do is open the box and take a bite!!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Evangelism needs Willingness; not Teaching
Going to church and listening to a sermon on how to "Go out and grow the Kingdom of God", or "How to Evangelize." does not in anyway give me what I need to share Christ. Frankly, it bores me to tears. It only serves to give me a reason not to. Why? Because it is missing the two main ingredients of being a disciple of Christ, which are, Faith and a sense of conviction.Listening to a sermon on how to evangelize just reinforces that I cannot do it until I learn how to and I can stay ignorant in this for as long as evangelizing is not comfortable for me or will cost me something I am unwilling to lose.
To share something I must believe in it. I must have conviction in what it has done in my life. That is just how it works for me. So, why not spend more time telling people like myself about the very person we are being told to evangelize about and what He has done and continues to do in Your life. That gets me excited. That is what perks my ears to listen and want what you have. Not bible studies on how to reach out to the community or what I must do to be saved. Tell me why I see this excitement in your face; why you seem to always have this sense of confidence no mater how difficult your life is right now. That is what will get my attention. And once you have my attention, well then perhaps you will gain my trust as well. And my trust in what you have to say will give me interest into reading the bible; maybe. But isn't it worth a try? Aren't we won over by attraction more than promotion? Don't we want to see results before we are willing to give ourselves or money to a cause?
If I am excited enough and believe enough in Jesus it is no problem for me to share why I am with others. It is lack of faith and conviction that keeps me from boasting in the Lord. I cannot share with others something I do not have. And if I do not have a personal, growing relationship with Jesus, if I am not sharing and being encouraged by fellow believers, than my faith grows, but it grows weak. I need to be in the bible, be with other Christians strong in the Gospels, and I need to be talking to God in prayer; all of these must be done on a regular basis. Let me try using an illustration to show what I mean.
Let's use a lady who is a strong believer in a new skin cream she had learned about and tried. After trying it and seeing positive results, she becomes a believer. From her personal experience she believes this skin cream healed her eczema. It has worked so well in relieving her discomfort and she believes in this product so strongly, she just has to share it with her girlfriends. She cannot keep this wonderful news to herself. Or take the man who heard about this new tool that he decided to try out. (Somewhat relutantly of course; after all we are talking about a $500.00 tool). After using it on the job for a few weeks, he becomes a believer. He believes, once again through experience, that the tool he bought is the best he has ever used for a particular job. It has made his life at work so much easier and better, that again, he just has to brag about it to his guy friends. Ohers began to see how happy these two people were and wanted to know why; so the lady and the man shared the reason for this joy. Now then, these two individuals were not professionals, nor did they take a class or hear a sermon on how to share the skin cream and tool with their friends. No, they simply believed in the product! They saw how the product worked in their own lives and had to share the good news. They explained how they came upon it and what it had done for them. These friends then tried it and they in turn saw that it changed their lives as well and so they too had to share it with other friends, who then shared it with their friends. Do you see the pattern? The people who heard about what the skin cream or tool did for these two individuals, saw how it effected their lives and they wanted it! No sermon, no class; just personal excitement.
Evangelism should be the same way shouldn't it? But why isn't it? Why aren't we excited enough about what Jesus has done in our lives that, we have to share it with our spouses, family, friends or co-workers.
This question came to me this morning after reading about the disciples and how excited they were to go out and share the good news. Why wasn't I this excited? Where was my conviction? How strong in my faith in Christ? Is it strong enough to go out there and evangelize? Do I feel as strongly and confidently in it as I do my new sewing machine? Strong enough to share with others? If not, why not?
I do not need to be scholar to share how Christ has changed my inner being. I do not need bible studies to share how prayer has shaped my life. I need willingness. The willingness to be ridiculed and put down for a fool. The willingness to lose family or friends. The willingness to be uncomfortable or go out of my way to serve God. The willingness to be an outcast. All things Jesus says I will suffer, I must be willing to suffer. It is not about "How to." It is about "Willing to."
I continue to get excited when I see God convict me in this way. That doesn't mean I am not scared or uncertain; that I do not need my Christian brothers and sisters for strength and encouragement. It simply means God is once again whispering in my ear and if I listen, I can be confident "He will have my back."
To share something I must believe in it. I must have conviction in what it has done in my life. That is just how it works for me. So, why not spend more time telling people like myself about the very person we are being told to evangelize about and what He has done and continues to do in Your life. That gets me excited. That is what perks my ears to listen and want what you have. Not bible studies on how to reach out to the community or what I must do to be saved. Tell me why I see this excitement in your face; why you seem to always have this sense of confidence no mater how difficult your life is right now. That is what will get my attention. And once you have my attention, well then perhaps you will gain my trust as well. And my trust in what you have to say will give me interest into reading the bible; maybe. But isn't it worth a try? Aren't we won over by attraction more than promotion? Don't we want to see results before we are willing to give ourselves or money to a cause?
If I am excited enough and believe enough in Jesus it is no problem for me to share why I am with others. It is lack of faith and conviction that keeps me from boasting in the Lord. I cannot share with others something I do not have. And if I do not have a personal, growing relationship with Jesus, if I am not sharing and being encouraged by fellow believers, than my faith grows, but it grows weak. I need to be in the bible, be with other Christians strong in the Gospels, and I need to be talking to God in prayer; all of these must be done on a regular basis. Let me try using an illustration to show what I mean.
Let's use a lady who is a strong believer in a new skin cream she had learned about and tried. After trying it and seeing positive results, she becomes a believer. From her personal experience she believes this skin cream healed her eczema. It has worked so well in relieving her discomfort and she believes in this product so strongly, she just has to share it with her girlfriends. She cannot keep this wonderful news to herself. Or take the man who heard about this new tool that he decided to try out. (Somewhat relutantly of course; after all we are talking about a $500.00 tool). After using it on the job for a few weeks, he becomes a believer. He believes, once again through experience, that the tool he bought is the best he has ever used for a particular job. It has made his life at work so much easier and better, that again, he just has to brag about it to his guy friends. Ohers began to see how happy these two people were and wanted to know why; so the lady and the man shared the reason for this joy. Now then, these two individuals were not professionals, nor did they take a class or hear a sermon on how to share the skin cream and tool with their friends. No, they simply believed in the product! They saw how the product worked in their own lives and had to share the good news. They explained how they came upon it and what it had done for them. These friends then tried it and they in turn saw that it changed their lives as well and so they too had to share it with other friends, who then shared it with their friends. Do you see the pattern? The people who heard about what the skin cream or tool did for these two individuals, saw how it effected their lives and they wanted it! No sermon, no class; just personal excitement.
Evangelism should be the same way shouldn't it? But why isn't it? Why aren't we excited enough about what Jesus has done in our lives that, we have to share it with our spouses, family, friends or co-workers.
This question came to me this morning after reading about the disciples and how excited they were to go out and share the good news. Why wasn't I this excited? Where was my conviction? How strong in my faith in Christ? Is it strong enough to go out there and evangelize? Do I feel as strongly and confidently in it as I do my new sewing machine? Strong enough to share with others? If not, why not?
I do not need to be scholar to share how Christ has changed my inner being. I do not need bible studies to share how prayer has shaped my life. I need willingness. The willingness to be ridiculed and put down for a fool. The willingness to lose family or friends. The willingness to be uncomfortable or go out of my way to serve God. The willingness to be an outcast. All things Jesus says I will suffer, I must be willing to suffer. It is not about "How to." It is about "Willing to."
I continue to get excited when I see God convict me in this way. That doesn't mean I am not scared or uncertain; that I do not need my Christian brothers and sisters for strength and encouragement. It simply means God is once again whispering in my ear and if I listen, I can be confident "He will have my back."
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Faith like a Plucked Daisy
I bet you are wondering, "What the heck does that mean." Faith like a plucked daisy. Well, as you will see in future blogs; I don't always think like the normal person. Sometimes random ideas or thoughts pop into my head and before I can stop them, they come out of my mouth. It is fun though, to let these thoughts go and watch what God does with them. Like this morning for instance.
I was holding the bible in my hand, getting ready to read and the thought came to me, when I allow myself to believe in this book as God's inspired word I have such peace. but when I allow doubts to flow through my imperfect brain, I am filled with a sense of chaos. That is when "my faith is like a plucked daisy" came to me as a title for this blog.
Remember as a kid, you would hold a daisy in your hand and as you plucked out a petal you would say, "He loves me, he loves me not."? That is how my faith is. One day " God is real, God is not; The bible is truth, the bible is not". Lately I have ended on the pedal that says, "God is real, The bible is truth."
It is at these times that I have let go of trying to figure it out and just trusted the inner voice that says, there is a God. (you could say I dropped the plucked daisy), Maybe that is what God means in scripture when he says, "Be still and know that I am." When I can do this, my day is more tolerable. I am filled with a sense of well-being and conviction that no matter what, I will be ok.
But!
When I begin questioning my faith, as I often do - I then begin to question whether or not the bible really is the true manuscripts and letters of God. That the letters are real letters written by real men who knew this man Jesus Christ. This fear of "what if it isn't real" leads me to doubt, which leads me to the final result of despair. Because if God is not real, if the bible is in fact a myth, well, then what is the purpose of getting out of bed each day? My life has no real meaning to it. This is not true for everyone and blessings to those who can have purpose and meaning to life on their own merit. I cannot. I need God. I need to end on the petal that says, "God is Real." and I need to know that this God is not Cathie, or my husband or my Christian brothers and sisters. As I have heard many times, these people and myself will let me down on a regular basis. But if my expectations and strength comes from God and His word. I am convicted with an inner peace and joy that cannot be penetrated.
The bible is like the Big Book of A.A. The Big Book tells the alcoholic how to get sober and how he/she can only do this by taking certain steps; these steps will then lead the recovered alcoholic to a belief and understanding of God's will for him/her. For the believing Christian, the bible is the "manual" for daily living. A book of manuscripts and letters describing and explaining who God is, and how to live according to his will.
When I am in a good place in my spiritual life and have picked the positive petal of the "faith daisy", God's spirit speaks personally to me and uplifts me. Even conficts me where I am not living up to his expectations. His will.
However!
As God wants to fill my mind with his love and encouragement through the bible; so Satan, the spirit of darkness, wants to fill my head with doubts. And he does this using my biggest weakness; FEAR. I have always been filled with fear; all my life. The fear of "What if". These fears come from doubting myself. From lacking the trust in the possibility that maybe, just maybe, God does speak to me, that he could love one such as myself; that maybe, just maybe I can be a prophetess of God; one of His messengers. When I am filled with these positive thoughts, Satan rushes in like a dark thunder cloud and yells, "Cathie, don't be ridiculous, you are a no body, you have no seminary training, you don't know the bible well enough." and it is when I listen to these words, that I have picked the negative petal of the faith daisy and held it tightly in my hand, forgetting to open my fist and lettting it fall to the ground and be stomped on.
But! - and this is the last but:)
When I pick the petal of encouragement and conviction and hold it tightly in a fist, God takes a hold of that hand with the petal in it and whispers, "yes daughter, you can hold onto that one. That is the petal of truth. That my child, is the petal that says, "God is real, The bible is true."
I was holding the bible in my hand, getting ready to read and the thought came to me, when I allow myself to believe in this book as God's inspired word I have such peace. but when I allow doubts to flow through my imperfect brain, I am filled with a sense of chaos. That is when "my faith is like a plucked daisy" came to me as a title for this blog.
Remember as a kid, you would hold a daisy in your hand and as you plucked out a petal you would say, "He loves me, he loves me not."? That is how my faith is. One day " God is real, God is not; The bible is truth, the bible is not". Lately I have ended on the pedal that says, "God is real, The bible is truth."
It is at these times that I have let go of trying to figure it out and just trusted the inner voice that says, there is a God. (you could say I dropped the plucked daisy), Maybe that is what God means in scripture when he says, "Be still and know that I am." When I can do this, my day is more tolerable. I am filled with a sense of well-being and conviction that no matter what, I will be ok.
But!
When I begin questioning my faith, as I often do - I then begin to question whether or not the bible really is the true manuscripts and letters of God. That the letters are real letters written by real men who knew this man Jesus Christ. This fear of "what if it isn't real" leads me to doubt, which leads me to the final result of despair. Because if God is not real, if the bible is in fact a myth, well, then what is the purpose of getting out of bed each day? My life has no real meaning to it. This is not true for everyone and blessings to those who can have purpose and meaning to life on their own merit. I cannot. I need God. I need to end on the petal that says, "God is Real." and I need to know that this God is not Cathie, or my husband or my Christian brothers and sisters. As I have heard many times, these people and myself will let me down on a regular basis. But if my expectations and strength comes from God and His word. I am convicted with an inner peace and joy that cannot be penetrated.
The bible is like the Big Book of A.A. The Big Book tells the alcoholic how to get sober and how he/she can only do this by taking certain steps; these steps will then lead the recovered alcoholic to a belief and understanding of God's will for him/her. For the believing Christian, the bible is the "manual" for daily living. A book of manuscripts and letters describing and explaining who God is, and how to live according to his will.
When I am in a good place in my spiritual life and have picked the positive petal of the "faith daisy", God's spirit speaks personally to me and uplifts me. Even conficts me where I am not living up to his expectations. His will.
However!
As God wants to fill my mind with his love and encouragement through the bible; so Satan, the spirit of darkness, wants to fill my head with doubts. And he does this using my biggest weakness; FEAR. I have always been filled with fear; all my life. The fear of "What if". These fears come from doubting myself. From lacking the trust in the possibility that maybe, just maybe, God does speak to me, that he could love one such as myself; that maybe, just maybe I can be a prophetess of God; one of His messengers. When I am filled with these positive thoughts, Satan rushes in like a dark thunder cloud and yells, "Cathie, don't be ridiculous, you are a no body, you have no seminary training, you don't know the bible well enough." and it is when I listen to these words, that I have picked the negative petal of the faith daisy and held it tightly in my hand, forgetting to open my fist and lettting it fall to the ground and be stomped on.
But! - and this is the last but:)
When I pick the petal of encouragement and conviction and hold it tightly in a fist, God takes a hold of that hand with the petal in it and whispers, "yes daughter, you can hold onto that one. That is the petal of truth. That my child, is the petal that says, "God is real, The bible is true."
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Grace is not a "Get Out of Jail Free" Card
I often wonder why as Christians we do not fear God more. Not in a trembling horror type fear. But in an Awe, Respectful type fear. We live as if grace is all we need. I hear so often, I live by grace not works. or, yes, I know I should do this or that, or not do this or that, but God is my loving, heavenly father and I am saved by His grace. Ok, so if getting baptized or believing in Jesus Christ is all I need to do to be "saved" to have eternal life with God, than I guess I can keep living the way I live and try just a little to be different. Grace is my "Get out of Hell Card". No accountability. Just grace. REALLY?
It is as if to say; well I don't drink anymore so that is enough, so what if I still beat my wife, curse at my kids, atleast I am sober! There is more in the Scriptures then grace. There are ways Jesus commands me to live. And although I may not be doing it perfectly, I have to ask myself. Am I really trying? Am I truly thinking about God and what he has done for me throughout the day? Or am I just going about my life as if eternal life isn't real. The bible isn't real. Again it boils down to where is my faith really? What is it based on?
To not believe has brought me sadness. No purpose to my life. No real reason to get up. Yes, I have a wonderful husband, great son. But they do not bring me the sense of "being" faith does. Believing in Scriptures has given me a purpose to get up each day. It has gotten me out of "self" and thinking about what God would want me to do in each circumstance. I am guilty of not giving God my best each day. I struggle to look different; to act different when at work. Which brings up another example of what I am trying say. In the work place I hear people say, I am a Christian, I go to this or that church. And yet, the way that we act around each other and treat one another in the the office does not look any different than our co-workers. We slander, we gossip and we complain about each other! I have to ask myself, what are we telling those around us regarding out faith? That because we are saved by "grace" we do not have to live lives of obedience and love? It just bothers my soul when I see this. And when I try to bring it up to the other Christians in the office, again I hear, "aren't we blessed to have grace?" It is saying that with grace we have no accountability!! No expectations from God! God is GOD, people! And yet we talk about him as if he were "daddy" Please folks, let us not lower God to human=ness. He is the Almighty. And either he is who the bible says he is, or he is not. But he cannot be a little bit of each. He is not some kind jailer who decides on a good day, "oh I am in a good mood today I think I will let you go free." Even in churches I have experienced being shunned or ignored because no one knows me when I first visit. We are commanded to encourage and build one another up; but we do the very opposite. We claim to be followers of Christ, and yet I ask myself, "why aren't we reaching out to our brothers and sisters and visitors? Do we really believe? Do I? I wonder, what does God feel when he watches his children come to worship him, and yet speak only of their week and what is going on with "them" instead of what He has done in their lives that week.
I cannot judge or decide what is in other Christian hearts. But I can judge their actions; but I must first judge my own. As Jesus said, why look at the thorn in another's eye and not the plank in my own. And I know this for certian and conviction; I don't want to live my life as one who thinks grace is her "Get out of Jail" free card. I want to live as a true believer. I want others to see me as a "Godly" woman. As one who respects and holds her God in AWE. One who takes her faith literally. If I do this on a daily basis, I know in my heart I would see more and more of God's power and grace in my life. There is no other way for Him to show His love than when I let go and give him space in my soul.
Today, I will be accountable to God Almighty, to his son Jesus Christ for my deeds and actions. Then and only then will I really really see his Spirit flowing freely through me. I will put more time in Scipture, getting them into my heart and mind so that during the day when I am feeling angry or fearful, God will be able to bring to memory his word. It is only through reading and knowing the scriptures that I can use them to fight negative (satan's) attacks of fear, insecurity, anger and the like. This journaling really brings things out in the open. I am excited for the day when others will join me in this quest to live a spiritual path according to the teachings of Jesus Christ and the Word; and we encourage and build one another up on a regular basis. Not just Sunday morning or at once a week home church. We need each other throughout the week if we are to be truly free to live God's word. (But that is my next blog:)
I realize I jump around as I write, and I hope as I do this more and more I will get better at expressing myself. but for now I will continue to discipline myself to write at least twice a week or more. But no less. I am sure I am not alone in this journey. And I will seek out other blogs to read and learn from.
It is as if to say; well I don't drink anymore so that is enough, so what if I still beat my wife, curse at my kids, atleast I am sober! There is more in the Scriptures then grace. There are ways Jesus commands me to live. And although I may not be doing it perfectly, I have to ask myself. Am I really trying? Am I truly thinking about God and what he has done for me throughout the day? Or am I just going about my life as if eternal life isn't real. The bible isn't real. Again it boils down to where is my faith really? What is it based on?
To not believe has brought me sadness. No purpose to my life. No real reason to get up. Yes, I have a wonderful husband, great son. But they do not bring me the sense of "being" faith does. Believing in Scriptures has given me a purpose to get up each day. It has gotten me out of "self" and thinking about what God would want me to do in each circumstance. I am guilty of not giving God my best each day. I struggle to look different; to act different when at work. Which brings up another example of what I am trying say. In the work place I hear people say, I am a Christian, I go to this or that church. And yet, the way that we act around each other and treat one another in the the office does not look any different than our co-workers. We slander, we gossip and we complain about each other! I have to ask myself, what are we telling those around us regarding out faith? That because we are saved by "grace" we do not have to live lives of obedience and love? It just bothers my soul when I see this. And when I try to bring it up to the other Christians in the office, again I hear, "aren't we blessed to have grace?" It is saying that with grace we have no accountability!! No expectations from God! God is GOD, people! And yet we talk about him as if he were "daddy" Please folks, let us not lower God to human=ness. He is the Almighty. And either he is who the bible says he is, or he is not. But he cannot be a little bit of each. He is not some kind jailer who decides on a good day, "oh I am in a good mood today I think I will let you go free." Even in churches I have experienced being shunned or ignored because no one knows me when I first visit. We are commanded to encourage and build one another up; but we do the very opposite. We claim to be followers of Christ, and yet I ask myself, "why aren't we reaching out to our brothers and sisters and visitors? Do we really believe? Do I? I wonder, what does God feel when he watches his children come to worship him, and yet speak only of their week and what is going on with "them" instead of what He has done in their lives that week.
I cannot judge or decide what is in other Christian hearts. But I can judge their actions; but I must first judge my own. As Jesus said, why look at the thorn in another's eye and not the plank in my own. And I know this for certian and conviction; I don't want to live my life as one who thinks grace is her "Get out of Jail" free card. I want to live as a true believer. I want others to see me as a "Godly" woman. As one who respects and holds her God in AWE. One who takes her faith literally. If I do this on a daily basis, I know in my heart I would see more and more of God's power and grace in my life. There is no other way for Him to show His love than when I let go and give him space in my soul.
Today, I will be accountable to God Almighty, to his son Jesus Christ for my deeds and actions. Then and only then will I really really see his Spirit flowing freely through me. I will put more time in Scipture, getting them into my heart and mind so that during the day when I am feeling angry or fearful, God will be able to bring to memory his word. It is only through reading and knowing the scriptures that I can use them to fight negative (satan's) attacks of fear, insecurity, anger and the like. This journaling really brings things out in the open. I am excited for the day when others will join me in this quest to live a spiritual path according to the teachings of Jesus Christ and the Word; and we encourage and build one another up on a regular basis. Not just Sunday morning or at once a week home church. We need each other throughout the week if we are to be truly free to live God's word. (But that is my next blog:)
I realize I jump around as I write, and I hope as I do this more and more I will get better at expressing myself. but for now I will continue to discipline myself to write at least twice a week or more. But no less. I am sure I am not alone in this journey. And I will seek out other blogs to read and learn from.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Faith is like a big jigsaw puzzle
I want to begin my first blog with a Thank you to my nephew Paul. He is a Youth Minister at a United Pentacostal Church in Florida. He sent me a CD of one of his sermons. And in it he said a sentence that caught my soul and I knew then I finally had a title for my blog. He said, "Got's got your back." It was perfect. Because, by remembering this simple sentence, I can begin each blog knowing God's got my back. Thank you Paul for giving me permission to use your words for my blog. Now for my first blog.
As I think about my faith; I think about all the religions and doctrines in this world. the different faiths and churches I have visited. Christianity alone has many different religous traditions and doctrines. There are as many different ways to salvation as there are pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. And to figure them out is like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle. What is even more interesting to me is how these different churches can sit down with you and show you why they have the truth or knows the truth better than others. They can study with you and bring up passages as to why they are teaching truth, and what these people of faith tell me all makes sense. So how is one to know what is real and what is myth? What is true hope and what is false hope? It became too overwhelming and confusing and I wanted to give it all up. Just one problem though, without faith I have no reason to get up in the morning. No purpose to this thing we call "life." So, one morning a few weeks ago I was journaling and it came to me. What if I were to go to God and say; "God, here I am. I do not know what I believe, who you really are. I don't even know if I believe Jesus Christ is you in the flesh. God, all I know is this. I believe You are God. All powerful, all knowing. I believe this man Jesus Christ walked this earth, that He was filled with your spirit and you indeed sent him. I believe God, that "you are either everything or you are nothing." What I do not know for certain is this; is Jesus Christ you in the form a man; or was he a man sent by you to give us a message. Is he just another myth man made up because we cannot fathom this being the only life we have. So God, as frightening as this is to say outloud to you, I am saying it. And I am laying my whole self open to you. All of me, my marriage, my job, my whole life is yours; and all I ask is that you show me a miracle. Because that is what it is going to take for me to be convicted in my soul that Jesus and the Scriptures are what they say they are. I am not asking for a miracle of outwardness; like a healed cripple. No, all I am asking for is a miracle within my spirit.
So, since that morning many things have been stirring in my heart. One was a conviction to start writing to people "out there" about this new journey between God and me. Not what others claim to say the truth is. I read scripture daily and allow God to speak to me. Just reading the black on the white. OK, also the red on the white. I guess you could say I have thrown the pieces of my faith out on the table and am allowing God to put them together in His time and in His way. The pieces are out on the table; the puzzle is being putting together beginning on the "outer edges". I believe in my heart this willingness to "Let Go and Let God" will bring about changes even I could not imagine.
As I think about my faith; I think about all the religions and doctrines in this world. the different faiths and churches I have visited. Christianity alone has many different religous traditions and doctrines. There are as many different ways to salvation as there are pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. And to figure them out is like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle. What is even more interesting to me is how these different churches can sit down with you and show you why they have the truth or knows the truth better than others. They can study with you and bring up passages as to why they are teaching truth, and what these people of faith tell me all makes sense. So how is one to know what is real and what is myth? What is true hope and what is false hope? It became too overwhelming and confusing and I wanted to give it all up. Just one problem though, without faith I have no reason to get up in the morning. No purpose to this thing we call "life." So, one morning a few weeks ago I was journaling and it came to me. What if I were to go to God and say; "God, here I am. I do not know what I believe, who you really are. I don't even know if I believe Jesus Christ is you in the flesh. God, all I know is this. I believe You are God. All powerful, all knowing. I believe this man Jesus Christ walked this earth, that He was filled with your spirit and you indeed sent him. I believe God, that "you are either everything or you are nothing." What I do not know for certain is this; is Jesus Christ you in the form a man; or was he a man sent by you to give us a message. Is he just another myth man made up because we cannot fathom this being the only life we have. So God, as frightening as this is to say outloud to you, I am saying it. And I am laying my whole self open to you. All of me, my marriage, my job, my whole life is yours; and all I ask is that you show me a miracle. Because that is what it is going to take for me to be convicted in my soul that Jesus and the Scriptures are what they say they are. I am not asking for a miracle of outwardness; like a healed cripple. No, all I am asking for is a miracle within my spirit.
So, since that morning many things have been stirring in my heart. One was a conviction to start writing to people "out there" about this new journey between God and me. Not what others claim to say the truth is. I read scripture daily and allow God to speak to me. Just reading the black on the white. OK, also the red on the white. I guess you could say I have thrown the pieces of my faith out on the table and am allowing God to put them together in His time and in His way. The pieces are out on the table; the puzzle is being putting together beginning on the "outer edges". I believe in my heart this willingness to "Let Go and Let God" will bring about changes even I could not imagine.
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