God does for me what I cannot do for myself. I heard this a few times but it was never truly personal to me until a few days ago. I suddenly realized that was who God was to me. A being more powerful than I who would guide me and give me strength to get through bad times. A loving spirit that would forgive my weaknesses and give me courage to press on. God changes my thoughts and brings about small miracles within me and around me. I see the changes often lately. I never feel alone when I remember to stop what I am doing and think about this all knowing, all powerful being I choose to call God.
Some people have different concepts and beliefs who God is to them and that is ok. I believe God is all things to all people. He comes to us in ways we can know personally to ourselves. Where we are born and raised will define our God. What life brings our way will define our God. But no matter what, I have come to believe in a Being whom I choose to call God today. But I refuse to put him in a box and try to define who or what he looks like. All my life I have tried to find the "right" belief or God so I would not "go to hell" and it has only brought about confusion and at times fear. But never peace, never joy. Today, I have joy and inner peace because I have come to accept and trust that God loves me and will do for me what I cannot do for myself even if I don't believe another's concept of who he is or is not.
My creator will grant me serenity when I am in turmoil or indecision. He will grant me courage when I am in fear and need to walk through a situation that I am uncertain about. And, he will give me wisdom to know what I can change and what I cannot. Sometimes I just don't know. The kicker is, I have to be willing to stop and ask him for these things. God will never push himself on me. He will never force himself into my life. I have to invite him. And each morning that is exactly what I try to remember to do before leaving for work. And on a good day, I will remember to pause and take a break to think about this new relationship I am developing each day. One day I hope to be able to do it upon waking up, but right now I still need that cup of coffee or two to even know it is morning!
Since I have finally come to this belief in who God is for me I have felt peace, encouragement and a sense of "I can do anything with his help." I believe in myself more and in my abilities to create because it is no longer me doing it alone. My creator is guiding me through his spirit within. He is opening my eyes to see what needs to be written or drawn. If I keep my spiritual eyes open I will see someone he may want me to call or go to. If I keep my spiritual ears open I will hear his voice telling me what my next step should be in order to do his will. And if I open my mouth in love I will be given the correct words needed at the right time to the right person. What can be better than all this?
But I am unable to do this all the time. I need to be reminded daily by readings, time speaking to God and then listening quietly. Most times it is through friends who see me going in the wrong direction or getting into "controlling" a situation, which causes me fear or for my pride to get in the way of serenity and peace, to remind me with a simple question, "where is God in all this Cathie?".
I have to leave now for work but these thoughts were strong and I realize that as a journal, I do not need to write long pages in order to get my personal feelings and thoughts out. I simply need to get on line and share them when they come. If I don't they will disappear. It is best to just get it out and allow the true Cathie to come out on paper. I hope their are others who have struggled in their faith and have found a God of their own understanding, a God that brings them peace within. If not, all I can say is keep searching, keep praying. He will come in a way that is comforting to you in a very personal way. Just stop listening to who he is for others and not allow these well meaning people to define God for you, like I have all my life. Good luck and may you be filled within yourself soon.
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