With all that is going on the world and has for centuries I cannot help but wonder about this whole answered prayer vs God's will. We praise God and give him credit when things go the way we had hoped, what we had prayed for. On the other hand; when a prayer goes unanswered or something horrible happens, we say, we have "free will" or "it must have been God's will." Really people?
So if a child is saved from abuse and we say God loved her and answered her prayers; are we saying God didn't love the abused child who was not saved? Or maybe he/she just wasn't God's "Favorite" at the time. When horrible crimes are committed by gangs and pirates, it is because of "free will" the bad guys "will" wins over the believer's will. Makes sense to me.
So, the truth is we really don't know isn't it? You see, I think it is life. Period. Life has good and bad. You have good people in the world and you have bad. There are some who have no conscious, and others who do. Life happens. We cannot control it. Nor do I believe prayer is the answer. I do however believe God is there is give us strength and endurance through these troubling times in our lives; we can know we are not alone to face the hardships. God can do that; God will send the right people at the right time for each situation. Can He answer prayer? Sure. Does He? Not so sure. I tend to continue to believe Life Happens and God gets us through it.
I don't really believe God cares about our earthly situations. Hold on before you blow a casket now; I just think he placed us here in the beginning for one purpose and we decided to use it for another purpose. We decided and continue to decide on a daily basis we don't need him. We can handle this thing called "Life" on our own. When we are in a jam and at the end of our rope, when we just don't know what to do, then and only then we will throw up our hands and surrender to God. And if he answers our prayer he is a kind and merciful God, and if he doesn't, oh well it just wasn't His will right now. The more I ponder on these things the more I come to believe that life is life. We are at each other's mercy and the mercy of our physical bodies. And God is not interested in whether or not we live or die, suffer or don't suffer. That is not his concern. Have I got your attention now?
God created us to be spiritual beings. To live on this earth to serve him and take care of the earth and its inhabitants. And what a fine job we are doing. We live for ourselves and what we can get out of life. Yes, we support missionaries and ministries. We go "out there" and serve the less unfortunates. But at what cost to ourselves? Do we really take our comfort and put it at anothers feet? Are we willing to give up our homes to give to the poor? Are we even willing to open an extra room who has no home? No. 90% of us cannot say we are. And we have many good reasons. Or if we look honestly, are they excuses? Again, do we really want to invite a stranger into our home and live with them? Aren't we comfortable having the house to ourselves, with our own families? Is that why we have homeless people; poor families wondering why they can't get food on the table for their kids? I'm just saying, as "Christians" are we doing ALL we can do to be like Christ; to serve God? I am ashamed to say I know I don't. And I will continue to do more each day and make myself uncomfortable just a little.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Living God's will in My Own Way
In this mornings reading I came to the passage in Luke 11: 35, where it says, "See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness." When I read that verse I was suddenly struck with the thought; "Am I walking in the light when I react to situations around me in a "worldly" manner? How hard am I actually trying to live differently?
When I am frustrated or angry with a co-worker or neighbor for instance and I show my anger, am I not reacting in a worldly manner? Of course I know the answer. And if I shun someone because I dislike them or they offended me somehow, then am I not living as the world lives and not being any different than anyone else in this world of darkness? Again I know the answer. I just hope you don't. And to my shagrin, there are times when I like living in the world, as part of the world. It is so much easier! It doesn't take courage or strength; it doesn't cause me discomfort or being treated as an outcast. To live by our world's expectations is so much easier because not too much is expected of me as compared to God's expectations of me.
When I read this passage above, I was made aware of just how much I live in sin on a daily basis. How little effort some days, I put into living as a true servant of Jesus. On the outside I do not look any different than my non-believing friends or co-workers. And lets face it, no matter how spiritual I may feel on the inside, those around me see the outside. No matter how good my intentions, others see my actions.
The cause for my sinful actions is that I am "reacting" to worldly turmoil and stress, and not "Acting" by the fruits of the spirit. It is so much easier to be controlled by pride, fear and self-pity than to do the next right thing. Although God continues to convict me on a daily basis, the human part of me continues to choose the easier, softer path on a daily, living according to worldly expectations and not according to God's Will.
You see, if I do not like a co-worker or feel she is not pulling her weight, I shun her. And when I do have to speak to her ( or him) I will make sure it is in a tone that lets her know I dislike her. After all, my pride says she needs to be put in her place and it is my responsibility to let her know. This is called passive-aggressive behavior I believe. A fancy way of saying, immature behavior.
Or take my husband for instance. God tells me to be loving and submissive, (treat him with respect as the man of the house). I say, "why do I have to do all the changing?" Another form of self-pity. Looking at "all" I do and not taking into account all he does. (Even though I do more of course). And yet, everytime I react in anger, self-pity and revenge, I add another "spike into the cross". I do not show others around me or my husband who God really is. Loving, forgiving, patient and kind. To name just a few of His wonderful attributes.
So how do I rid myself of this sin called pride? How do I relieve myself from Satan's clutches? It is only through prayer and admitting to my fellow Christian brother and sister's of this weakness. However, Repentance isn't merely saying, I am sorry. True repentance is the willingness to say I sinned, please forgive me and then not repeating the behavior. But I don't want to admit I was wrong!! Why do I have to say I am sorry when he/she "started it." How pathetic and immature I continue to be. And I hate this in myself.
For a few days I can be living as Christ showed me how to live. To conduct myself in a manner worthy of calling myself a Believer in Christ. A Christian. Then, WHAM, my evil human side comes to the service and I am once again this angry, self-pitying being that I have come to loathe. I can only be grateful to God for sending his wonderful son to give me hope that I will not always be this way. (Right God?) In the meantime, I will continue reading and being convicted. I will continue to practice living by the spirit and not reacting to the world around me. And most important of all, I will continue each morning to pray for God's strength and power to be in my life for the upcoming hours. Sad thing is, he answers my prayers and then I choose to ignor his message because I don't like it.
At these moments of conviction I am forced to ask myself, "Just how hard am I trying to live differently?
There is a big difference between living in sin due to weakness and living in sin intentionally. I just don't want to admit which one I live by on some days. When I am willing to see the truth to this question I have to be honest and shamefully say, "I want to live according to God's will but in my own way.
When I am frustrated or angry with a co-worker or neighbor for instance and I show my anger, am I not reacting in a worldly manner? Of course I know the answer. And if I shun someone because I dislike them or they offended me somehow, then am I not living as the world lives and not being any different than anyone else in this world of darkness? Again I know the answer. I just hope you don't. And to my shagrin, there are times when I like living in the world, as part of the world. It is so much easier! It doesn't take courage or strength; it doesn't cause me discomfort or being treated as an outcast. To live by our world's expectations is so much easier because not too much is expected of me as compared to God's expectations of me.
When I read this passage above, I was made aware of just how much I live in sin on a daily basis. How little effort some days, I put into living as a true servant of Jesus. On the outside I do not look any different than my non-believing friends or co-workers. And lets face it, no matter how spiritual I may feel on the inside, those around me see the outside. No matter how good my intentions, others see my actions.
The cause for my sinful actions is that I am "reacting" to worldly turmoil and stress, and not "Acting" by the fruits of the spirit. It is so much easier to be controlled by pride, fear and self-pity than to do the next right thing. Although God continues to convict me on a daily basis, the human part of me continues to choose the easier, softer path on a daily, living according to worldly expectations and not according to God's Will.
You see, if I do not like a co-worker or feel she is not pulling her weight, I shun her. And when I do have to speak to her ( or him) I will make sure it is in a tone that lets her know I dislike her. After all, my pride says she needs to be put in her place and it is my responsibility to let her know. This is called passive-aggressive behavior I believe. A fancy way of saying, immature behavior.
Or take my husband for instance. God tells me to be loving and submissive, (treat him with respect as the man of the house). I say, "why do I have to do all the changing?" Another form of self-pity. Looking at "all" I do and not taking into account all he does. (Even though I do more of course). And yet, everytime I react in anger, self-pity and revenge, I add another "spike into the cross". I do not show others around me or my husband who God really is. Loving, forgiving, patient and kind. To name just a few of His wonderful attributes.
So how do I rid myself of this sin called pride? How do I relieve myself from Satan's clutches? It is only through prayer and admitting to my fellow Christian brother and sister's of this weakness. However, Repentance isn't merely saying, I am sorry. True repentance is the willingness to say I sinned, please forgive me and then not repeating the behavior. But I don't want to admit I was wrong!! Why do I have to say I am sorry when he/she "started it." How pathetic and immature I continue to be. And I hate this in myself.
For a few days I can be living as Christ showed me how to live. To conduct myself in a manner worthy of calling myself a Believer in Christ. A Christian. Then, WHAM, my evil human side comes to the service and I am once again this angry, self-pitying being that I have come to loathe. I can only be grateful to God for sending his wonderful son to give me hope that I will not always be this way. (Right God?) In the meantime, I will continue reading and being convicted. I will continue to practice living by the spirit and not reacting to the world around me. And most important of all, I will continue each morning to pray for God's strength and power to be in my life for the upcoming hours. Sad thing is, he answers my prayers and then I choose to ignor his message because I don't like it.
At these moments of conviction I am forced to ask myself, "Just how hard am I trying to live differently?
There is a big difference between living in sin due to weakness and living in sin intentionally. I just don't want to admit which one I live by on some days. When I am willing to see the truth to this question I have to be honest and shamefully say, "I want to live according to God's will but in my own way.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Church is like a Box of Chocolates
This morning Iwas thinking about the conversation I had with my nephew last night. It was exciting and I found his strong faith in Jesus and the scriptures very contageous. What was it that caused my spirit to ignite with excitement? It wasn't interest in his church or belief. It was his love for our Lord. He was so on fire about the importance of knowing and having Jesus in our daily lives and I agreed with him. It was so fantastic sharing the faith and belief in the bible with another Christian. Now, he would say, "Aunt Cathie it is the Holy Ghost speaking to you." And perhaps he would be correct. I have had messages given to me in many different ways. All I know is that I felt his excitement for Jesus and was enjoying it tremendously. I was even ready to go visit the church denomination he belonged to! I wanted to be around other believers who were as excited and as strong as he was in his faith, in his love for Jesus and what he did for me.
Then, on the way to work I was struck with an awesome realization. It is not so much the church I attend that fills me up with excitement and encouragement, it is talking and sharing about Jesus with a fellow believer. Any believer, no matter their denominational belief. So it isn't the church denomination that catches my interest, it is the enthusiasm.
This got me thinking some more. And then it hit me, "Church is Like a Box of Chocolates." So many denominations with so many different beliefs. You just don't know what you are going to hear. Sometimes like last night, it is contageous and uplifting, other times it is dull or judgemental. But it is still part of the same box. You may not like what you get inside, but it doesn't change the fact that it is still in the same box. Jesus is the wrapping around that box, the church I see the box as the church, Jesus' church, and the different kinds of chocolates are us, the different denominations,believers. All different kinds, but all still God's children. What an image.
When and if we can accept one another not for the denomination or church we belong to, but because we believe and hope in the same God; what a movement we could start up in this world! It would be like opening up a box of chocolates and just accepting that there will be some we don't like or agree with, and others we will absolutely love and agree with; but either way, they all belong in that one box. And only the one who has given us the wonderful, delicious box of chocolates can decide and judge who will be with Him in eternity. Like the chocolates, we can only guess what is on the other side. Heaven or Hell. Cream filled or Carmel. All we have to do is open the box and take a bite!!
Then, on the way to work I was struck with an awesome realization. It is not so much the church I attend that fills me up with excitement and encouragement, it is talking and sharing about Jesus with a fellow believer. Any believer, no matter their denominational belief. So it isn't the church denomination that catches my interest, it is the enthusiasm.
This got me thinking some more. And then it hit me, "Church is Like a Box of Chocolates." So many denominations with so many different beliefs. You just don't know what you are going to hear. Sometimes like last night, it is contageous and uplifting, other times it is dull or judgemental. But it is still part of the same box. You may not like what you get inside, but it doesn't change the fact that it is still in the same box. Jesus is the wrapping around that box, the church I see the box as the church, Jesus' church, and the different kinds of chocolates are us, the different denominations,believers. All different kinds, but all still God's children. What an image.
When and if we can accept one another not for the denomination or church we belong to, but because we believe and hope in the same God; what a movement we could start up in this world! It would be like opening up a box of chocolates and just accepting that there will be some we don't like or agree with, and others we will absolutely love and agree with; but either way, they all belong in that one box. And only the one who has given us the wonderful, delicious box of chocolates can decide and judge who will be with Him in eternity. Like the chocolates, we can only guess what is on the other side. Heaven or Hell. Cream filled or Carmel. All we have to do is open the box and take a bite!!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Evangelism needs Willingness; not Teaching
Going to church and listening to a sermon on how to "Go out and grow the Kingdom of God", or "How to Evangelize." does not in anyway give me what I need to share Christ. Frankly, it bores me to tears. It only serves to give me a reason not to. Why? Because it is missing the two main ingredients of being a disciple of Christ, which are, Faith and a sense of conviction.Listening to a sermon on how to evangelize just reinforces that I cannot do it until I learn how to and I can stay ignorant in this for as long as evangelizing is not comfortable for me or will cost me something I am unwilling to lose.
To share something I must believe in it. I must have conviction in what it has done in my life. That is just how it works for me. So, why not spend more time telling people like myself about the very person we are being told to evangelize about and what He has done and continues to do in Your life. That gets me excited. That is what perks my ears to listen and want what you have. Not bible studies on how to reach out to the community or what I must do to be saved. Tell me why I see this excitement in your face; why you seem to always have this sense of confidence no mater how difficult your life is right now. That is what will get my attention. And once you have my attention, well then perhaps you will gain my trust as well. And my trust in what you have to say will give me interest into reading the bible; maybe. But isn't it worth a try? Aren't we won over by attraction more than promotion? Don't we want to see results before we are willing to give ourselves or money to a cause?
If I am excited enough and believe enough in Jesus it is no problem for me to share why I am with others. It is lack of faith and conviction that keeps me from boasting in the Lord. I cannot share with others something I do not have. And if I do not have a personal, growing relationship with Jesus, if I am not sharing and being encouraged by fellow believers, than my faith grows, but it grows weak. I need to be in the bible, be with other Christians strong in the Gospels, and I need to be talking to God in prayer; all of these must be done on a regular basis. Let me try using an illustration to show what I mean.
Let's use a lady who is a strong believer in a new skin cream she had learned about and tried. After trying it and seeing positive results, she becomes a believer. From her personal experience she believes this skin cream healed her eczema. It has worked so well in relieving her discomfort and she believes in this product so strongly, she just has to share it with her girlfriends. She cannot keep this wonderful news to herself. Or take the man who heard about this new tool that he decided to try out. (Somewhat relutantly of course; after all we are talking about a $500.00 tool). After using it on the job for a few weeks, he becomes a believer. He believes, once again through experience, that the tool he bought is the best he has ever used for a particular job. It has made his life at work so much easier and better, that again, he just has to brag about it to his guy friends. Ohers began to see how happy these two people were and wanted to know why; so the lady and the man shared the reason for this joy. Now then, these two individuals were not professionals, nor did they take a class or hear a sermon on how to share the skin cream and tool with their friends. No, they simply believed in the product! They saw how the product worked in their own lives and had to share the good news. They explained how they came upon it and what it had done for them. These friends then tried it and they in turn saw that it changed their lives as well and so they too had to share it with other friends, who then shared it with their friends. Do you see the pattern? The people who heard about what the skin cream or tool did for these two individuals, saw how it effected their lives and they wanted it! No sermon, no class; just personal excitement.
Evangelism should be the same way shouldn't it? But why isn't it? Why aren't we excited enough about what Jesus has done in our lives that, we have to share it with our spouses, family, friends or co-workers.
This question came to me this morning after reading about the disciples and how excited they were to go out and share the good news. Why wasn't I this excited? Where was my conviction? How strong in my faith in Christ? Is it strong enough to go out there and evangelize? Do I feel as strongly and confidently in it as I do my new sewing machine? Strong enough to share with others? If not, why not?
I do not need to be scholar to share how Christ has changed my inner being. I do not need bible studies to share how prayer has shaped my life. I need willingness. The willingness to be ridiculed and put down for a fool. The willingness to lose family or friends. The willingness to be uncomfortable or go out of my way to serve God. The willingness to be an outcast. All things Jesus says I will suffer, I must be willing to suffer. It is not about "How to." It is about "Willing to."
I continue to get excited when I see God convict me in this way. That doesn't mean I am not scared or uncertain; that I do not need my Christian brothers and sisters for strength and encouragement. It simply means God is once again whispering in my ear and if I listen, I can be confident "He will have my back."
To share something I must believe in it. I must have conviction in what it has done in my life. That is just how it works for me. So, why not spend more time telling people like myself about the very person we are being told to evangelize about and what He has done and continues to do in Your life. That gets me excited. That is what perks my ears to listen and want what you have. Not bible studies on how to reach out to the community or what I must do to be saved. Tell me why I see this excitement in your face; why you seem to always have this sense of confidence no mater how difficult your life is right now. That is what will get my attention. And once you have my attention, well then perhaps you will gain my trust as well. And my trust in what you have to say will give me interest into reading the bible; maybe. But isn't it worth a try? Aren't we won over by attraction more than promotion? Don't we want to see results before we are willing to give ourselves or money to a cause?
If I am excited enough and believe enough in Jesus it is no problem for me to share why I am with others. It is lack of faith and conviction that keeps me from boasting in the Lord. I cannot share with others something I do not have. And if I do not have a personal, growing relationship with Jesus, if I am not sharing and being encouraged by fellow believers, than my faith grows, but it grows weak. I need to be in the bible, be with other Christians strong in the Gospels, and I need to be talking to God in prayer; all of these must be done on a regular basis. Let me try using an illustration to show what I mean.
Let's use a lady who is a strong believer in a new skin cream she had learned about and tried. After trying it and seeing positive results, she becomes a believer. From her personal experience she believes this skin cream healed her eczema. It has worked so well in relieving her discomfort and she believes in this product so strongly, she just has to share it with her girlfriends. She cannot keep this wonderful news to herself. Or take the man who heard about this new tool that he decided to try out. (Somewhat relutantly of course; after all we are talking about a $500.00 tool). After using it on the job for a few weeks, he becomes a believer. He believes, once again through experience, that the tool he bought is the best he has ever used for a particular job. It has made his life at work so much easier and better, that again, he just has to brag about it to his guy friends. Ohers began to see how happy these two people were and wanted to know why; so the lady and the man shared the reason for this joy. Now then, these two individuals were not professionals, nor did they take a class or hear a sermon on how to share the skin cream and tool with their friends. No, they simply believed in the product! They saw how the product worked in their own lives and had to share the good news. They explained how they came upon it and what it had done for them. These friends then tried it and they in turn saw that it changed their lives as well and so they too had to share it with other friends, who then shared it with their friends. Do you see the pattern? The people who heard about what the skin cream or tool did for these two individuals, saw how it effected their lives and they wanted it! No sermon, no class; just personal excitement.
Evangelism should be the same way shouldn't it? But why isn't it? Why aren't we excited enough about what Jesus has done in our lives that, we have to share it with our spouses, family, friends or co-workers.
This question came to me this morning after reading about the disciples and how excited they were to go out and share the good news. Why wasn't I this excited? Where was my conviction? How strong in my faith in Christ? Is it strong enough to go out there and evangelize? Do I feel as strongly and confidently in it as I do my new sewing machine? Strong enough to share with others? If not, why not?
I do not need to be scholar to share how Christ has changed my inner being. I do not need bible studies to share how prayer has shaped my life. I need willingness. The willingness to be ridiculed and put down for a fool. The willingness to lose family or friends. The willingness to be uncomfortable or go out of my way to serve God. The willingness to be an outcast. All things Jesus says I will suffer, I must be willing to suffer. It is not about "How to." It is about "Willing to."
I continue to get excited when I see God convict me in this way. That doesn't mean I am not scared or uncertain; that I do not need my Christian brothers and sisters for strength and encouragement. It simply means God is once again whispering in my ear and if I listen, I can be confident "He will have my back."
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Faith like a Plucked Daisy
I bet you are wondering, "What the heck does that mean." Faith like a plucked daisy. Well, as you will see in future blogs; I don't always think like the normal person. Sometimes random ideas or thoughts pop into my head and before I can stop them, they come out of my mouth. It is fun though, to let these thoughts go and watch what God does with them. Like this morning for instance.
I was holding the bible in my hand, getting ready to read and the thought came to me, when I allow myself to believe in this book as God's inspired word I have such peace. but when I allow doubts to flow through my imperfect brain, I am filled with a sense of chaos. That is when "my faith is like a plucked daisy" came to me as a title for this blog.
Remember as a kid, you would hold a daisy in your hand and as you plucked out a petal you would say, "He loves me, he loves me not."? That is how my faith is. One day " God is real, God is not; The bible is truth, the bible is not". Lately I have ended on the pedal that says, "God is real, The bible is truth."
It is at these times that I have let go of trying to figure it out and just trusted the inner voice that says, there is a God. (you could say I dropped the plucked daisy), Maybe that is what God means in scripture when he says, "Be still and know that I am." When I can do this, my day is more tolerable. I am filled with a sense of well-being and conviction that no matter what, I will be ok.
But!
When I begin questioning my faith, as I often do - I then begin to question whether or not the bible really is the true manuscripts and letters of God. That the letters are real letters written by real men who knew this man Jesus Christ. This fear of "what if it isn't real" leads me to doubt, which leads me to the final result of despair. Because if God is not real, if the bible is in fact a myth, well, then what is the purpose of getting out of bed each day? My life has no real meaning to it. This is not true for everyone and blessings to those who can have purpose and meaning to life on their own merit. I cannot. I need God. I need to end on the petal that says, "God is Real." and I need to know that this God is not Cathie, or my husband or my Christian brothers and sisters. As I have heard many times, these people and myself will let me down on a regular basis. But if my expectations and strength comes from God and His word. I am convicted with an inner peace and joy that cannot be penetrated.
The bible is like the Big Book of A.A. The Big Book tells the alcoholic how to get sober and how he/she can only do this by taking certain steps; these steps will then lead the recovered alcoholic to a belief and understanding of God's will for him/her. For the believing Christian, the bible is the "manual" for daily living. A book of manuscripts and letters describing and explaining who God is, and how to live according to his will.
When I am in a good place in my spiritual life and have picked the positive petal of the "faith daisy", God's spirit speaks personally to me and uplifts me. Even conficts me where I am not living up to his expectations. His will.
However!
As God wants to fill my mind with his love and encouragement through the bible; so Satan, the spirit of darkness, wants to fill my head with doubts. And he does this using my biggest weakness; FEAR. I have always been filled with fear; all my life. The fear of "What if". These fears come from doubting myself. From lacking the trust in the possibility that maybe, just maybe, God does speak to me, that he could love one such as myself; that maybe, just maybe I can be a prophetess of God; one of His messengers. When I am filled with these positive thoughts, Satan rushes in like a dark thunder cloud and yells, "Cathie, don't be ridiculous, you are a no body, you have no seminary training, you don't know the bible well enough." and it is when I listen to these words, that I have picked the negative petal of the faith daisy and held it tightly in my hand, forgetting to open my fist and lettting it fall to the ground and be stomped on.
But! - and this is the last but:)
When I pick the petal of encouragement and conviction and hold it tightly in a fist, God takes a hold of that hand with the petal in it and whispers, "yes daughter, you can hold onto that one. That is the petal of truth. That my child, is the petal that says, "God is real, The bible is true."
I was holding the bible in my hand, getting ready to read and the thought came to me, when I allow myself to believe in this book as God's inspired word I have such peace. but when I allow doubts to flow through my imperfect brain, I am filled with a sense of chaos. That is when "my faith is like a plucked daisy" came to me as a title for this blog.
Remember as a kid, you would hold a daisy in your hand and as you plucked out a petal you would say, "He loves me, he loves me not."? That is how my faith is. One day " God is real, God is not; The bible is truth, the bible is not". Lately I have ended on the pedal that says, "God is real, The bible is truth."
It is at these times that I have let go of trying to figure it out and just trusted the inner voice that says, there is a God. (you could say I dropped the plucked daisy), Maybe that is what God means in scripture when he says, "Be still and know that I am." When I can do this, my day is more tolerable. I am filled with a sense of well-being and conviction that no matter what, I will be ok.
But!
When I begin questioning my faith, as I often do - I then begin to question whether or not the bible really is the true manuscripts and letters of God. That the letters are real letters written by real men who knew this man Jesus Christ. This fear of "what if it isn't real" leads me to doubt, which leads me to the final result of despair. Because if God is not real, if the bible is in fact a myth, well, then what is the purpose of getting out of bed each day? My life has no real meaning to it. This is not true for everyone and blessings to those who can have purpose and meaning to life on their own merit. I cannot. I need God. I need to end on the petal that says, "God is Real." and I need to know that this God is not Cathie, or my husband or my Christian brothers and sisters. As I have heard many times, these people and myself will let me down on a regular basis. But if my expectations and strength comes from God and His word. I am convicted with an inner peace and joy that cannot be penetrated.
The bible is like the Big Book of A.A. The Big Book tells the alcoholic how to get sober and how he/she can only do this by taking certain steps; these steps will then lead the recovered alcoholic to a belief and understanding of God's will for him/her. For the believing Christian, the bible is the "manual" for daily living. A book of manuscripts and letters describing and explaining who God is, and how to live according to his will.
When I am in a good place in my spiritual life and have picked the positive petal of the "faith daisy", God's spirit speaks personally to me and uplifts me. Even conficts me where I am not living up to his expectations. His will.
However!
As God wants to fill my mind with his love and encouragement through the bible; so Satan, the spirit of darkness, wants to fill my head with doubts. And he does this using my biggest weakness; FEAR. I have always been filled with fear; all my life. The fear of "What if". These fears come from doubting myself. From lacking the trust in the possibility that maybe, just maybe, God does speak to me, that he could love one such as myself; that maybe, just maybe I can be a prophetess of God; one of His messengers. When I am filled with these positive thoughts, Satan rushes in like a dark thunder cloud and yells, "Cathie, don't be ridiculous, you are a no body, you have no seminary training, you don't know the bible well enough." and it is when I listen to these words, that I have picked the negative petal of the faith daisy and held it tightly in my hand, forgetting to open my fist and lettting it fall to the ground and be stomped on.
But! - and this is the last but:)
When I pick the petal of encouragement and conviction and hold it tightly in a fist, God takes a hold of that hand with the petal in it and whispers, "yes daughter, you can hold onto that one. That is the petal of truth. That my child, is the petal that says, "God is real, The bible is true."
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Grace is not a "Get Out of Jail Free" Card
I often wonder why as Christians we do not fear God more. Not in a trembling horror type fear. But in an Awe, Respectful type fear. We live as if grace is all we need. I hear so often, I live by grace not works. or, yes, I know I should do this or that, or not do this or that, but God is my loving, heavenly father and I am saved by His grace. Ok, so if getting baptized or believing in Jesus Christ is all I need to do to be "saved" to have eternal life with God, than I guess I can keep living the way I live and try just a little to be different. Grace is my "Get out of Hell Card". No accountability. Just grace. REALLY?
It is as if to say; well I don't drink anymore so that is enough, so what if I still beat my wife, curse at my kids, atleast I am sober! There is more in the Scriptures then grace. There are ways Jesus commands me to live. And although I may not be doing it perfectly, I have to ask myself. Am I really trying? Am I truly thinking about God and what he has done for me throughout the day? Or am I just going about my life as if eternal life isn't real. The bible isn't real. Again it boils down to where is my faith really? What is it based on?
To not believe has brought me sadness. No purpose to my life. No real reason to get up. Yes, I have a wonderful husband, great son. But they do not bring me the sense of "being" faith does. Believing in Scriptures has given me a purpose to get up each day. It has gotten me out of "self" and thinking about what God would want me to do in each circumstance. I am guilty of not giving God my best each day. I struggle to look different; to act different when at work. Which brings up another example of what I am trying say. In the work place I hear people say, I am a Christian, I go to this or that church. And yet, the way that we act around each other and treat one another in the the office does not look any different than our co-workers. We slander, we gossip and we complain about each other! I have to ask myself, what are we telling those around us regarding out faith? That because we are saved by "grace" we do not have to live lives of obedience and love? It just bothers my soul when I see this. And when I try to bring it up to the other Christians in the office, again I hear, "aren't we blessed to have grace?" It is saying that with grace we have no accountability!! No expectations from God! God is GOD, people! And yet we talk about him as if he were "daddy" Please folks, let us not lower God to human=ness. He is the Almighty. And either he is who the bible says he is, or he is not. But he cannot be a little bit of each. He is not some kind jailer who decides on a good day, "oh I am in a good mood today I think I will let you go free." Even in churches I have experienced being shunned or ignored because no one knows me when I first visit. We are commanded to encourage and build one another up; but we do the very opposite. We claim to be followers of Christ, and yet I ask myself, "why aren't we reaching out to our brothers and sisters and visitors? Do we really believe? Do I? I wonder, what does God feel when he watches his children come to worship him, and yet speak only of their week and what is going on with "them" instead of what He has done in their lives that week.
I cannot judge or decide what is in other Christian hearts. But I can judge their actions; but I must first judge my own. As Jesus said, why look at the thorn in another's eye and not the plank in my own. And I know this for certian and conviction; I don't want to live my life as one who thinks grace is her "Get out of Jail" free card. I want to live as a true believer. I want others to see me as a "Godly" woman. As one who respects and holds her God in AWE. One who takes her faith literally. If I do this on a daily basis, I know in my heart I would see more and more of God's power and grace in my life. There is no other way for Him to show His love than when I let go and give him space in my soul.
Today, I will be accountable to God Almighty, to his son Jesus Christ for my deeds and actions. Then and only then will I really really see his Spirit flowing freely through me. I will put more time in Scipture, getting them into my heart and mind so that during the day when I am feeling angry or fearful, God will be able to bring to memory his word. It is only through reading and knowing the scriptures that I can use them to fight negative (satan's) attacks of fear, insecurity, anger and the like. This journaling really brings things out in the open. I am excited for the day when others will join me in this quest to live a spiritual path according to the teachings of Jesus Christ and the Word; and we encourage and build one another up on a regular basis. Not just Sunday morning or at once a week home church. We need each other throughout the week if we are to be truly free to live God's word. (But that is my next blog:)
I realize I jump around as I write, and I hope as I do this more and more I will get better at expressing myself. but for now I will continue to discipline myself to write at least twice a week or more. But no less. I am sure I am not alone in this journey. And I will seek out other blogs to read and learn from.
It is as if to say; well I don't drink anymore so that is enough, so what if I still beat my wife, curse at my kids, atleast I am sober! There is more in the Scriptures then grace. There are ways Jesus commands me to live. And although I may not be doing it perfectly, I have to ask myself. Am I really trying? Am I truly thinking about God and what he has done for me throughout the day? Or am I just going about my life as if eternal life isn't real. The bible isn't real. Again it boils down to where is my faith really? What is it based on?
To not believe has brought me sadness. No purpose to my life. No real reason to get up. Yes, I have a wonderful husband, great son. But they do not bring me the sense of "being" faith does. Believing in Scriptures has given me a purpose to get up each day. It has gotten me out of "self" and thinking about what God would want me to do in each circumstance. I am guilty of not giving God my best each day. I struggle to look different; to act different when at work. Which brings up another example of what I am trying say. In the work place I hear people say, I am a Christian, I go to this or that church. And yet, the way that we act around each other and treat one another in the the office does not look any different than our co-workers. We slander, we gossip and we complain about each other! I have to ask myself, what are we telling those around us regarding out faith? That because we are saved by "grace" we do not have to live lives of obedience and love? It just bothers my soul when I see this. And when I try to bring it up to the other Christians in the office, again I hear, "aren't we blessed to have grace?" It is saying that with grace we have no accountability!! No expectations from God! God is GOD, people! And yet we talk about him as if he were "daddy" Please folks, let us not lower God to human=ness. He is the Almighty. And either he is who the bible says he is, or he is not. But he cannot be a little bit of each. He is not some kind jailer who decides on a good day, "oh I am in a good mood today I think I will let you go free." Even in churches I have experienced being shunned or ignored because no one knows me when I first visit. We are commanded to encourage and build one another up; but we do the very opposite. We claim to be followers of Christ, and yet I ask myself, "why aren't we reaching out to our brothers and sisters and visitors? Do we really believe? Do I? I wonder, what does God feel when he watches his children come to worship him, and yet speak only of their week and what is going on with "them" instead of what He has done in their lives that week.
I cannot judge or decide what is in other Christian hearts. But I can judge their actions; but I must first judge my own. As Jesus said, why look at the thorn in another's eye and not the plank in my own. And I know this for certian and conviction; I don't want to live my life as one who thinks grace is her "Get out of Jail" free card. I want to live as a true believer. I want others to see me as a "Godly" woman. As one who respects and holds her God in AWE. One who takes her faith literally. If I do this on a daily basis, I know in my heart I would see more and more of God's power and grace in my life. There is no other way for Him to show His love than when I let go and give him space in my soul.
Today, I will be accountable to God Almighty, to his son Jesus Christ for my deeds and actions. Then and only then will I really really see his Spirit flowing freely through me. I will put more time in Scipture, getting them into my heart and mind so that during the day when I am feeling angry or fearful, God will be able to bring to memory his word. It is only through reading and knowing the scriptures that I can use them to fight negative (satan's) attacks of fear, insecurity, anger and the like. This journaling really brings things out in the open. I am excited for the day when others will join me in this quest to live a spiritual path according to the teachings of Jesus Christ and the Word; and we encourage and build one another up on a regular basis. Not just Sunday morning or at once a week home church. We need each other throughout the week if we are to be truly free to live God's word. (But that is my next blog:)
I realize I jump around as I write, and I hope as I do this more and more I will get better at expressing myself. but for now I will continue to discipline myself to write at least twice a week or more. But no less. I am sure I am not alone in this journey. And I will seek out other blogs to read and learn from.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Faith is like a big jigsaw puzzle
I want to begin my first blog with a Thank you to my nephew Paul. He is a Youth Minister at a United Pentacostal Church in Florida. He sent me a CD of one of his sermons. And in it he said a sentence that caught my soul and I knew then I finally had a title for my blog. He said, "Got's got your back." It was perfect. Because, by remembering this simple sentence, I can begin each blog knowing God's got my back. Thank you Paul for giving me permission to use your words for my blog. Now for my first blog.
As I think about my faith; I think about all the religions and doctrines in this world. the different faiths and churches I have visited. Christianity alone has many different religous traditions and doctrines. There are as many different ways to salvation as there are pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. And to figure them out is like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle. What is even more interesting to me is how these different churches can sit down with you and show you why they have the truth or knows the truth better than others. They can study with you and bring up passages as to why they are teaching truth, and what these people of faith tell me all makes sense. So how is one to know what is real and what is myth? What is true hope and what is false hope? It became too overwhelming and confusing and I wanted to give it all up. Just one problem though, without faith I have no reason to get up in the morning. No purpose to this thing we call "life." So, one morning a few weeks ago I was journaling and it came to me. What if I were to go to God and say; "God, here I am. I do not know what I believe, who you really are. I don't even know if I believe Jesus Christ is you in the flesh. God, all I know is this. I believe You are God. All powerful, all knowing. I believe this man Jesus Christ walked this earth, that He was filled with your spirit and you indeed sent him. I believe God, that "you are either everything or you are nothing." What I do not know for certain is this; is Jesus Christ you in the form a man; or was he a man sent by you to give us a message. Is he just another myth man made up because we cannot fathom this being the only life we have. So God, as frightening as this is to say outloud to you, I am saying it. And I am laying my whole self open to you. All of me, my marriage, my job, my whole life is yours; and all I ask is that you show me a miracle. Because that is what it is going to take for me to be convicted in my soul that Jesus and the Scriptures are what they say they are. I am not asking for a miracle of outwardness; like a healed cripple. No, all I am asking for is a miracle within my spirit.
So, since that morning many things have been stirring in my heart. One was a conviction to start writing to people "out there" about this new journey between God and me. Not what others claim to say the truth is. I read scripture daily and allow God to speak to me. Just reading the black on the white. OK, also the red on the white. I guess you could say I have thrown the pieces of my faith out on the table and am allowing God to put them together in His time and in His way. The pieces are out on the table; the puzzle is being putting together beginning on the "outer edges". I believe in my heart this willingness to "Let Go and Let God" will bring about changes even I could not imagine.
As I think about my faith; I think about all the religions and doctrines in this world. the different faiths and churches I have visited. Christianity alone has many different religous traditions and doctrines. There are as many different ways to salvation as there are pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. And to figure them out is like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle. What is even more interesting to me is how these different churches can sit down with you and show you why they have the truth or knows the truth better than others. They can study with you and bring up passages as to why they are teaching truth, and what these people of faith tell me all makes sense. So how is one to know what is real and what is myth? What is true hope and what is false hope? It became too overwhelming and confusing and I wanted to give it all up. Just one problem though, without faith I have no reason to get up in the morning. No purpose to this thing we call "life." So, one morning a few weeks ago I was journaling and it came to me. What if I were to go to God and say; "God, here I am. I do not know what I believe, who you really are. I don't even know if I believe Jesus Christ is you in the flesh. God, all I know is this. I believe You are God. All powerful, all knowing. I believe this man Jesus Christ walked this earth, that He was filled with your spirit and you indeed sent him. I believe God, that "you are either everything or you are nothing." What I do not know for certain is this; is Jesus Christ you in the form a man; or was he a man sent by you to give us a message. Is he just another myth man made up because we cannot fathom this being the only life we have. So God, as frightening as this is to say outloud to you, I am saying it. And I am laying my whole self open to you. All of me, my marriage, my job, my whole life is yours; and all I ask is that you show me a miracle. Because that is what it is going to take for me to be convicted in my soul that Jesus and the Scriptures are what they say they are. I am not asking for a miracle of outwardness; like a healed cripple. No, all I am asking for is a miracle within my spirit.
So, since that morning many things have been stirring in my heart. One was a conviction to start writing to people "out there" about this new journey between God and me. Not what others claim to say the truth is. I read scripture daily and allow God to speak to me. Just reading the black on the white. OK, also the red on the white. I guess you could say I have thrown the pieces of my faith out on the table and am allowing God to put them together in His time and in His way. The pieces are out on the table; the puzzle is being putting together beginning on the "outer edges". I believe in my heart this willingness to "Let Go and Let God" will bring about changes even I could not imagine.
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