Faith like a Plucked Daisy

I bet you are wondering, "What the heck does that mean." Faith like a plucked daisy. Well, as you will see in future blogs; I don't always think like the normal person. Sometimes random ideas or thoughts pop into my head and before I can stop them, they come out of my mouth.  It is fun though, to let these thoughts go and watch what God does with them. Like this morning for instance.

I was holding the bible in my hand, getting ready to read and the thought came to me, when I allow myself to believe in this book as God's inspired word I have such peace. but when I allow doubts to flow through my imperfect brain, I am filled with a sense of chaos. That is when "my faith is like a plucked daisy" came to me as a title for this blog.
Remember as a kid, you would hold a daisy in your hand and as you plucked out a petal you would say, "He loves me, he loves me not."?  That is how my faith is. One day  " God is real, God is not; The bible is truth, the bible is not". Lately I have ended on the pedal that says, "God is real, The bible is truth."
It is at these times that I have let go of trying to figure it out and just trusted the inner voice that says,  there is a God. (you could say I dropped the plucked daisy), Maybe that is what God means in scripture when he says, "Be still and know that I am." When I can do this, my day is more tolerable. I am filled with a sense of well-being and conviction that no matter what, I will be ok.

But!

When I begin questioning my faith, as I often do - I then begin to question whether or not the bible really is the true manuscripts and letters of God. That the letters are real letters written by real men who knew this man Jesus Christ. This fear of "what if it isn't real" leads me to doubt,  which leads me to the final result of despair. Because if God is not real, if the bible is in fact a myth, well, then what is the purpose of getting out of bed each day? My life has no real meaning to it. This is not true for everyone and blessings to those who can have purpose and meaning to life on their own merit. I cannot. I need God. I need to end on the petal that says, "God is Real." and I need to know that this God is not Cathie, or my husband or my Christian brothers and sisters. As I have heard many times, these people and myself will let me down on a regular basis. But if my expectations and strength comes from God and His word. I am convicted with an inner peace and joy that cannot be penetrated.

The bible is like the Big Book of A.A. The Big Book tells the alcoholic how to get sober and how he/she can only do this by taking certain steps; these steps will then lead the recovered alcoholic to a belief and understanding of God's will for him/her. For the believing Christian, the bible is the "manual" for daily living. A book of manuscripts and letters describing and explaining who God is, and how to live according to his will.

When I am in a good place  in my spiritual life and have picked the positive petal of the "faith daisy", God's spirit speaks personally to me and uplifts me. Even conficts me where I am not living up to his expectations. His will.

However!

As God wants to fill my mind with his love and encouragement through the bible; so Satan, the spirit of darkness, wants to fill my head with doubts. And he does this using my biggest weakness; FEAR. I have always been filled with fear; all my life. The fear of "What if". These fears come from doubting myself. From lacking the trust in the possibility that maybe, just maybe,  God does speak to me, that he could love one such as myself; that maybe, just maybe I can be a prophetess of God; one of His messengers. When I am filled with these positive thoughts, Satan rushes in like a dark thunder cloud and yells, "Cathie, don't be ridiculous, you are a no body, you have no seminary training, you don't know the bible well enough." and it is when I listen to these words, that I have picked the negative petal of the faith daisy and held it tightly in my hand, forgetting to open my fist and lettting it fall to the ground and be stomped on.

But! - and this is the last but:)

When I pick the petal of encouragement and conviction and hold it tightly in a fist, God takes a hold of that hand with the petal in it and whispers, "yes daughter, you can hold onto that one. That is the petal of truth. That my child, is the petal that says, "God is real, The bible is true."