As I look ahead at another year to come I am not experiencing the same excitement or anticipation of past years. Perhaps it is because I am older now and have witnessed too many years of unfulfilled resolutions I was going to do, but never have. My intentions were always good. I have been convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that, "this year was going to be different," only to come upon the end of another year of failed attempts. I quit making new year resolutions a few years back when I finally admitted defeat and accepted they never work. The only thing I managed to accomplish by setting new year resolutions was making myself feel like a failure and beating myself up for a time because I did fail. Not to mention the humility of facing those who I bragged to regarding what I was going to do that year and having to admit I didn't do it. Resolutions don't stick. They only last a day, a week, maybe in a good year, a whole month. Like hundreds of people, I begin a new year vowing to eat healthier, exercise more, maybe start a hobby or new study. Only to buy a nice big pumpkin pie on New Years Day. ( I just called my husband, who is out running errands, and asked if he would pick me up a Starbucks Carmel Macchiato, after just telling him this morning we were not going to have any junk food in the house!).
Suppose I set goals to achieve instead of resolutions to keep? To me, goals are things we work towards, not set an end to. Maybe this is just a play on words to make me feel more hopeful, I don't care, if it makes me feel better so be it. I am going to set goals for the coming year and unlike resolutions, if I do not achieve all of them, it is ok. It is the striving that makes it worthwhile, not the end result. Goals are fun where as resolutions are generally something we feel we have to do but don't enjoy the process of doing. Like dieting or exercising to get thin or look impressive to others.
My first new thing for this year is to not set rules for myself. If it isn't hurting anyone else or myself, go for it. Don't feel like cleaning the house? Well then don't, if there are no bugs or rats running around, what is a little clutter going to hurt? All I do is drive myself crazy and cause an argument with my husband, and for what, clutter on the table? A few clothes lying on the floor? Is peace really worth giving up for these trivial things? Now if you couldn't walk through the living room or get to the bed, well then yes, I would say there is a problem, a sense of denial perhaps. I have always lived by rules. Rules set by myself or by others. False beliefs caused by those who think they are right, or by my sense of needing some form of control over my life. But never out of what rules should be out of . For the best interest of ALL involved. In this case me and those close to me.
So what goals are realistic and attainable. Goals that I can strive towards and not beat myself up over when I fail and have to try again. Goals, unlike resolutions, can be changed, tweaked. To set these I have to figure out what is important to me and what are the things that bring me inner joy and peace. What are the things that bring real happiness to my life? Do I even know? Yes. Maybe not all of them, but I do know some.
I know that laughing with my husband and friends brings me happiness and contentment. Board games bring joy inside while we are playing. Reading and crafts such as sewing and embroidery, anything to do with a sewing needle for that matter, brings me happiness and a sense of accomplishment. Writing, as I am doing right now brings me great satisfaction. It is a passion you might say. I may not be a great writer, maybe not even what you might call a good writer or a "professional" writer. But it is something I have loved doing since I learned to put pen to paper, or should I say crayon to paper? Same with reading. There is nothing better on a cold rainy or snowy day, than to lie on the couch or in bed with a good book.
Another passion of mine is learning. Oh how much excitement and sense of accomplishment I get after learning something new. It brings with it a sense of renown faith in myself, my abilities. As I have been putting things down I realized something. All these things that are coming to mind are attainable! All these things can be down without financial security. Why have I not known or realized this before? The things that matter most to me, that bring me much joy and happiness are within my reach? Right in front of my nose you might say. A wonderful husband who is also a good friend, (faults and all); good books and paper are within a few steps. So if my laptop were to die, or we lost a job and could no longer have inter-net for a while, I could still write the old fashioned way. Writing on the computer can be fun and faster, but writers, real writers, know deep down there is nothing better than putting a pen to paper. The feeling one gets as the pen glides across the paper is something you cannot duplicate on a computer. But back to the joys and happiness I seek. I already have them in my life. What I can do with goal setting is to bring more of these into my life. Here is how. Now mind you, I am thinking out loud.
Friends: My goal in this area will be to make the friendships I do have stronger. I will also look at the circle of friends I have and ask myself, "do the friends I surround myself with enhance my life or drag it down? Do they put me at ease or am I constantly having to watch what I say or do around them? Do we laugh and talk a lot when together? Does it matter what I think or feel about a particular topic, or is it what they believe or think that is important? Can we just share thoughts on a topic or does someone have to prove their point? As you probably guessed, I have been dissecting my relationships lately. Perhaps it is because it is becoming more and more evident I am not always enjoying myself when out with "friends". So, for this goal I have to look honestly within and ask myself, am I the type of friend I want in my life? How can I attract such friends if I lack being that friend? The types of friends I wish to attract and become are those who are always striving to be better, to learn and grow in new things. Those who are not afraid to make a mistake or laugh at themselves. I want to have fun, real fun. The kind of fun that just engulfs you. There is nothing better than a real hearty, tear invoking laugh with a friend. (Or spouse). Most important of all? I want to become my own best friend. No longer do I want to put myself beneath others, to be the inferior one. Nor do I wish to continue beating myself up for past mistakes or mistakes to come. A real friend is one who can find it in their heart to forgive. And I will be that friend to myself and my friends as well. Last in this area. I am gong to set a goal towards developing new relationships in my life.
Relationships that force me to grow and challenge myself. Surround myself with people who like me, are tired of sitting around wishing for things to be different, and are ready to do things different.
Learning: Since I get such excitement when I am learning something, why not look for ways I can learn something new each month or bi-monthly if once a month is unrealistic. Oh hell, why set a time line in this area? Why not just say I will learn something new as often as reasonably possible. After I have learned something, or gotten the hang of something, I will merely start on something else to learn or get the hang of. Actually, now that I think about it, I have started in this area. A woman I know who teaches Social Media classes is going to teach me about it this coming weekend! I won the football pool and am using this money for it. What is more important these days than to learn how the social media works? There are two bonuses for me in this; I love it and I will need it if I am to move forward in our world of technology. So for this goal I will simply take what is already at my disposal, women who know the things I would like to learn and are willing to teach me, and take their offers. I have another lady who would love to teach me to become a good knitter. I am tired of knitting simple things like dishcloths and afghans. I want to knit a sweater, so I have begun on a pattern that is simple, we shall see if I accomplish my goal and finish a sweater someone would first of all be able to wear, and secondly, want to wear it in public! So it is set. I will continue on my travels or learning new skills.
Another area in which I can set a goal is the area of employment. Is where I am in life, where I wish or hope to end my working career? We know I have to be realistic in this area. After all, its not like I have twenty or thirty years ahead of me to try out different careers. Nor is it reasonable to think I can learn the skills needed to gain employment in the technological world we are advancing in. But! This does not mean I have no value what so ever to contribute in the world of employment. I simply have to take a look at what I enjoy and see where I can use these in the work place. For instance, I love the sense of joy it brings me when I know what I did helped someone. Or that feeling inside you get when you bring a smile to someone's face or relieved them of a burden. I miss that part of my life when I worked in LTC. I loved knowing each day I made a difference, even a small one, like spending a few short minutes listening to an elderly person's story or concern they had. Or of taking them for breakfast outside the facility once a week. And the job I had greeting customers or family members as they came into the building and helping them find the area they were looking for. It all seems trivial I am sure. But I miss it. I miss working with the public, sitting at a desk inputting information all day is depressing. I have often thought about how much fun it would be to go out there and show caretakers easier ways to care for their loved ones. After all, I have thirty or more years of experience. Anyway, that's just talk. Not like I could really do it. See, right there. That is what stops me from accomplishing things! That negative self talk. No more of that Cathie. It stops here. (Is this another goal?)
Ok, its only three goals so far, but they are big goals at that. And they will bring about other positive changes in my daily life as I strive towards accomplishing them. You out there can be my cheering section. I will envision many readers saying, "Go Cathie Go!" I will also envision you striving your own personal goals. Lets do it together.
Well, goals or no goals, I will put my writing aside for now. Otherwise I am forced to listen to him crack open and chew pistachios as he sits "quietly" and lets me enjoy my writing. Then there is the dog scratching at the door to come in (that he let out). I guess setting goals doesn't mean one can set aside the responsibilities life has for us. Now I will be grateful for all the good things this life (and yes my dear husband) has started this new year with, and get back to the not so exiting aspects of daily living.
HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOGGERS!!
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