New Day, New Blog, New Thoughts

I don't know for sure if what I want to blog about is the right or safe thing to do, but feel compelled to begin a new chapter in my not so active blog history. I have changed the title so I could change the messages, experiences and personal experiences as well. Not be stuck on one idea as lately I have many thoughts and concerns in my head that I hope other women will be able to identify with.
I suppose I should start out with fears. For many years now I have hidden a secret that has caused me to feel great shame and fear of being found out. You see, I am Bi-polar. "Bi-polar II Disorder" is the exact diagnosis. Because of this I have come to believe (falsely) that I could not accomplish anything in my desire and love of writing; I would not be trusted by others to be dependable or "safe". I also believed I would be watched carefully by my bosses if they knew. Oh what fears and stress I had placed myself under.

I recently was put in a position I could no longer hide this truth. I became severely depressed and had to be hospitalized. I knew it was time to either be alone once again in this darkness, or take a risk and reach out to some of my trusted brothers and sisters in Christ. Not the whole church mind you, I haven't become that "out  in the open" as yet! But with the few I wanted to know and have support from. I also was put in the position of my boss knowing because it was with her I "lost my mind" with. She was such a caring, loving soul and has only wanted what is best for me. It is with a new shame that I face my "illness", one of not trusting these close circle of people that have come into my life. For judging others as I was so afraid were judging me. I believe this is called false EGO. 

This is another sample of what I will be sharing. I want others out there to know mental illness of any sort, huge or small does not have to define who we are; nor does it have to stop us from succeeding in our passions in life. I have read and learned of many people who struggle with mental illness much harsher than my own and they are creative, intelligent people who give me hope and inspiration to create in my own life.  To these wonderful people I say thank you.