Who or what defines me? Why do I allow others in the work place and family to define who I am and what my worth is? I surround myself with dysfunctional, angry boring people and wonder why I am so unhappy. Is this what I am? No! I am funny, creative and smart. I just don't believe this strong enough. I allow others to beat me down into a insecure, angry woman who only dreams of what she could. No more! I made a decision a few weeks back this was going to change. I am tired of being the one everyone looks to for humor yet doesn't respect. I want RESPECT. It has been said, if you want respect, you have to respect yourself. Great, more responsibility for my own happiness.
Yesterday at work I realized I was allowing co-workers and acquaintances define who I am. Always have. Now in my senior years I am waking up and resenting it. So, will I stand up and do something or will I continue to play the victim? It is up to me. I mean really, who are these people? Do they really know me better than I know myself? Well maybe, since I am just beginning to know myself little by little. It is so cliché, "I don't know who I am". But here I sit, feeling those exact words. It is high time I get to know the real Cathie. So how do I start, any suggestions out there? My goodness, I sound like a teenager. I always thought maturity came naturally as you aged. I didn't realize you had to mature through change and experiences. God knows I have plenty of that, just haven't learned from them I suppose.
My first step is to check in with myself whenever I catch myself feeling sad or angry. Am I allowing someone who disrespect me? What about putting myself down in a humorous manner? These are things I can start with. Is the willingness and determination strong enough to change who others have convinced me I am? Wait a minute, I have never been a determined woman. Now I am!
Yesterday at work I came up with an affirmation: I Cathie, am a creative, professional woman employed in a creative, professional environment." Not bad huh? So this morning I practiced it on my walk and caught myself with my head up high and smiling. Will I have to quit my present job? Not today, but who knows, perhaps the universe will here this affirmation and stir me in the right path.
Today I will begin to define myself. Believe I was created for something special, even at this stage of my life, and go for it. I will practice good will towards those who anger or put me down. Ok, this part may be difficult, but not impossible.
So I need to leave for work now, but wanted to write something before the day got away. Practicing discipline, remember? I will add a post later as to how my experiment goes.
No comments:
Post a Comment